Your Questions About Does Marriage Counseling Work Save Marriages

I am just frustrated right now and a little upset.

I am a single mom, I have 2 kids who I have sole custody of because their dad refused joint custody and didn’t want sole custody, he pays me support but he lied on his income so it isn’t much, and I work full time and just basically have a hard time keeping up with homework and everything. It is exhausting.

my issue is that at times I still get upset about the divorce, I was so in love when I got married and it all went down hill from there. Before you judge me I stayed married for 9 years, I tried everything to save my marriage, I went to marriage therapy, individual counseling, vacations together, date nights, talking, therapy..

I sometimes get sad that my dream of a family is not how I pictured it, I really wanted to be married to my kids father and have a family where we went out and did stuff together. I never had that, not even when I was married. Their dad never wanted to go anywhere with the kids and I, not even to see Santa or to see fire works on the fourth of July. I have always done that on my own. and I still do.

I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a year and a half.. He says he wants to move slow and we have, He wants to build a foundation with my kids, and take things slow for everyone. He seems to have their best interest at heart, and has said in the future he doesn’t want to be just my boyfriend who gets pushed to the side and wants to be an important part of their life, but that he also knows he can’t replace their dad.

what does that mean? how do I trust him? I have heard that before and look where I am. I know how to do things on my own, because that is how I have always done them, any time I let someone in, they leave. and this time my kids will get hurt too.

I know what I want, I want the family I never had. I know my boyfriend can never replace their dad, but is it wrong to hope that someday, if things work out with my boyfriend, he will be around, and do stuff with my kids and I? we do stuff here and there with my kids now, I am just still keeping space there for reasons listed above.

ok I have went on and on .. sorry.. I am just so mixed up. this is hard. does it get easier? do I expect too much?

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Your Questions About Christian Marriage Counseling

First of all I believe in saving sex until marriage and not living together until marriage.

I’m a Christian.

I have a rare disease that made me not reach puberty until age 23. So I have to take birth control pills prescribedby my doctor to maintain estrogen. I now have a normal sex drive and I am sexually attracted to men. I do get aroused and wet down there.

Here’s the thing. Because of my medical problem I’m afraid I can’t have sex physically because it’ll be too painful.

When I was in college and haven’t reached puberty yet I was sexually abused a lot because back then I was weak, passive, depressed and everything even saying no a million times made no difference. They still took advantage of me. Well when I was abused it hurt like heck! worst pain ever!

Don’t worry I’m in counseling and since reaching puberty I’m strong and know how to set boundaries and if anyone crosses them I make sure they don’t cross it again.

But if I can’t have premarital sex to see if I can have sex how can I know that I can have sex? That a man’s penis won’t be so excruciating everytime it enters me?

I can easily insert things up there like tampons and medicine applicators.(after reaching puberty).

I’m 24 now.

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Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Advice Questions

I”ve been married for almost 3 years now. I’m a pretty attractive guy and I stay physically active. My wife is not a physically active person, but when we were dating, she kept her weight lower. My wife also worked full time. She is also a dog lover who had indoor/outdoor dogs. I moved into her house in 2006 and married her about two months later. Within six months, she quit her job because she wanted “to help me run my business” and moved her brother in (who is mentally challenged). My business was barely earning enough to support myself much less two people. Because of her leaving her job, we had racked up more than $30,000 of credit card debt. A few months after my wife left her job, she put on 40 pounds. Also, during this time, the indoor/outdoor dogs became just indoor dogs. I am not a dog lover and detest dogs on the furniture. The dogs have been on the couch and the bed. After about a month of helping me with my business, she soon got depressed because the money wasn’t coming in like she expected, so she starting loafing around and just surfing the internet. She finally started working again midway through 2007, but she still hasn’t gotten a full time job. Her stepdad recently passed away and she is now in more of a depression. My father passed away this year as well. We went to one marriage counseling session and we were supposed to go to another but that got cancelled due to the passing of her stepdad. I told her that I would be willling to set aside our differences until she is done mourning, but I don’t know how. I find myself snapping at my wife and brother-in-law a lot. My brother-in-law constantly asks me questions just to ask me questions. I feel like I am trapped in this marriage and am forced to live in a life of misery. I am more unhappy being married than I ever was being single. This is actually my first real relationship as well. She constantly brings up going our separate ways, but never wants to follow through on her statements. In addtion, she picked up smoking again because of the stress with her stepdad and the troubles between her and me. This is her third marriage. We live in a two bedroom, one bathroom house, Everywhere I turn, there’s always someone in my face. There’s no privacy in my home. Call me a little sick, but I’m to the point where I feel like punching my brother-in-law in the face and punting the dogs because I’m so agitated. I feel like the walls are caving in on me. Also, I work out of the home as well. I just moved my office back into the home in hopes of saving some money, but my productivity has been shot because of all the distractions. I think about being with other women because my wife chose to let herself go. I know that sounds a little superficial, but I feel like I make the effort to keep myself looking, so my wife should at least take a little pride in how she looks as well. Perhaps someone can give me some helpful advice.
I had confronted her about everything that was bothering me: her leaving her job, the dogs, her brother, her rapid weight gain, and her smoking. I’m trying to objective as possible, but I know that is not so. She said the reason why she left her full time job was because she went to the same business seminars as myself and she got just as pumped up about the seminars as I did and she wanted what I had. My defense for that is I had already had a business up and running and when I first started it, I had some money saved up to where I could live for a while without any business. The reason she said she moved the dogs in was because they could get under the chain link fence in the backyard and her previous dog was killed because of that. She said she gained the weight because she got depressed when the income didn’t turn out as she expected and turned to eating.
Although I had my own business. I had a few thousand saved up to where I could go a couple of months without any income. She just put in her two months notice and quit without any money saved. We had our money separate before she quit her job and all of sudden she wanted to join our money together. I felt this was a mistake but I agreed to do it because I felt like I would have been the bad guy if I didn’t. Boy, did I hurt myself by agreeing for her to leave her job. She asked me if it was ok for her to leave her job, but I feel like she wanted me to feel like if I said no, I was being the bad guy by saying she was miserable at her job and she couldn’t take it any more, so I said yes. I feel like when the money ran low, she didn’t take any initiative to go back to work, all she did was get depressed and gained some weight. Then she starting buying more clothes (which is her weak spot) because she gained some weight.
She also had problems with me putting any business expenses on my credit card because she felt like they weren’t necessary, but she wanted to use my credit card to take a $2000 vacation. This is all happening while were living off of my income which was only enough to support me. She told me recently that she had made a mistake and that she thought being in business was going to be a piece of cake even though I told her otherwise before she left. About the dogs, I feel like she has made them a priority over me. She didn’t have them in the house nowhere near as much before I moved in, chain link fence and all. I have brought up getting the electrical fence in, and she gently brushes that solution aside by saying “We could do that……..”, then changes the subject. I recently found out from my sister that I was allergic to dogs. I told my wife about that and she seems to not really care about that fact.
She also complained about not having a nice couch. I got tired of her complaining all of the time, so I got a nice Italian leather couch worth about $5000 from my sister. My sister was nice enough to give it to me. As soon as I got the couch, she lets the dogs on the couch. She started putting a sheet on the couch to protect, but I feel the she doesn’t help. The dogs are filthy disgusting animals and the sheet falls off all of the time. I don’t even want to sit on the couch anymore. She thinks by putting an extra sheet on the furniture or the bed, that will keep them clean. Our hardwood floor feel really really dirty because the dogs are always in the house. As far as the brother, I don’t blame her for moving him because he cannot take himself and we found out a year ago that he has seizures. He’s now taking regular pills for that. But, she didn’t have the brother in the house before I moved in and the mom wouldn’t take the brother in her own house.
Why should I have to pay the consequences? What really raised a red flag with me was that my dad was practically a vegetable in his final years of his life and my sister was taking care of him when she wasn’t working her full time job. She was going to take a much needed vacation and asked me at the last minute if I could help my dad because one of my other brothers flaked out on her. I had a business which allowed me to work away from the home and I was going to do it. I told my wife about it and she had a problem and asked me if my sister was going to compensate me for the two weeks I’m going to be there. This really broke my trust with her. I felt like she didn’t care one iota about my family and would do anything for hers. I guess you gotta take care of your own first, right? Then when my dad died, she happened to be really supportive for a little bit.
As soon as I told her that my dad had some life insurance and I was going to get some of the money, her face lit up and that’s all she asked me about regularly for the next couple of months. She even asked me for half of the money directly. When the money wasn’t coming as quickly as my wife hoped for, she asked me if my sister was keeping the money for herself. I trust my sister with my life, and I felt like this was a slap in the face. When we got the money, I gave her half of it after I tithed 10 percent because I’m not a greedy person although I did feel a little resentment because of her asking. Within one month, she got news that her stepdad was getting real sick. She decided to leave her part time jobs for a whole month to take care of him. I didn’t have a problem with her doing that, but I felt like when the tables were turned, she didn’t give me any kindness. I confronted her about this, and she says she feels like a toad about what she did to me.
She didn’t feel that way about the money though. She felt like we needed the money to pay the bills. I told her that what I did with my father’s life insurance money was my business. She did take her half and pay some of the bills with it. I don’t know if I know how to forgive her for this or if I want to forgive her for this. To me, that was a value issue. Values don’t change throughout your life. I think I want to get a divorce, but a very very small part in my head wants to really make it work since this is my first marriage and I think I’m not supposed to give up so easily. That is another thing. When we were fighting, she would bring up divorce repeatedly to the point that it is now subconsciously in my head. Now that I’m the one saying I want to split up, she wants to keep our marriage together, so she called a marriage counselor. I’ve been to two counseling sessions so far.
We took an assessment test and the counselor showed us how different we are in some areas. His advice at this point was to stay away from each other as much as possible until the next counseling session. This is the last resort before we get a divorce. The counselor mentioned to me that this was not going to be a quick fix, but I wonder how many sessions is it going to take? The sessions are $75 a pop and if we have to go to one session a week for a whole year, that’s $3900. I guess I still do care for her, but I do think about what it would feel like to be single again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for your understanding.
I do have to mention that I started reading marriage books to see if it was me being the problem. I do know that everything is not her fault and I have shortcoming of my own, but it feels like I am the one bending here and not her.

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Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Does It Work Cost

I am so confused. After 16 years of what I thought was a very happy marriage to my husband, my world is falling apart and I’m not sure which way to turn.

He was in the U.S. Navy when I met him overseas (in the U.K.) but we fell in love and I gave up my life to join him in the States and helped raise his sons to adulthood, who were then 12 and 10 years old. We also had a beautiful daughter together and our family life was very happy after the initial bumps.

We’ve traveled all over the world together because of his career. His last duty station was Hawaii, and with just a few months to go until his retirement we decided together that it would be a good idea if I returned to Texas with our daughter (now 13) where we have an old house. The idea was that she and I would get settled ahead of him coming to join us, and our daughter would finally get to be in a school where she wouldn’t be forced to leave her friends after a couple of years. I would start work – and start work on the house – and put the house on the market so that we could eventually buy a little piece of land and a home where we would spend the rest of our lives together. That way he wouldn’t have to do much when he arrived here.

Now all of our plans are in ruins because my husband decided to reconnect with an old girlfriend from high school on the internet. He’d actually been in contact with her two months before we left Hawaii, although I didn’t know it at the time.

Two months ago he started to act strangely. Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for days and then I realized he was switching his cellphone off so he could avoid our calls. He also took a chunk out of our savings account without any explanation, and when I emailed him to ask why, he said he needed some time to think and was looking at jobs throughout the U.S. because “didn’t know where his life was heading right now.” I was in complete shock. This was coming from a man who had told me he loved me every single day and had sworn undying love and loyalty to me.

Of course I realized there was something badly wrong, so I did some research. I found him on one of those high school sites. His old girlfriend was listed there as his only friend and there were a few flirtatious notes on his page from her. They were exchanging pictures etc.

Long story short: I was heartbroken and still am. He left Hawaii 3 weeks ago and went to another state to be close to her. He had asked me for a divorce by then, so I figured I had better take action to protect myself and my daughter and so I filed for divorce in November.
He received the initial petition but refused to sign the paperwork. He now has his own apartment (the rent costs more than our mortgage) and sees the old girlfriend on a very regular basis. He’s also running up a large credit card bill. I emailed this woman a few times to find out what was going on and she insisted they were just friends for now but maybe they would have a happy future after he and I were divorced. I told her I still loved him just as much as ever but she said he had told her he’d been very unhappy in his marriage to me for the past few years, which was news to me! She also let me know that he was relating ancient old arguments he and I had had in the past, and was blaming me for making him stay in the Navy for all these years, which is completely untrue.

Our daughter has taken this very badly and is very angry and confused. I have had to take her to counseling to help her cope. She has gone from being a happy and secure girl to a very angry and sad teenager.

Now I’m more confused than ever because I spoke to my husband yesterday on the phone for the first time in two months. He said he was trying to figure everything out and wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but said I’d be the first to know when he had made a decision. He still wants the divorce to go through he says, but asked me if it would be OK if he came to visit after the New Year! He also admitted he still loved me but wasn’t IN LOVE with me. I am so confused. Should I give him the time he says he needs to get his head straightened out, or should I cut all ties?

In spite of everything I still do love him very much and would still be willing to work on our marriage even though he has hurt me more than he will ever know.
Thank you so much for all your great answers so far. You have given me much to think about.

For some reason my question posted twice. The other answers are here:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlxPWRPwUa4vJyuNHlb2MXPB7BR.;_ylv=3?qid=20081221060153AA1qcRu

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Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Questions For Couples

Hi

I have often come across questions where an Indian Hindu want divorce from his spouse due to his impotency,ie,inability to have sex.

I want to ask lawyers,In India,a person is usually a virgin before marriage.So he has sex for the 1st time only after marriage.Even if he is discovered to be impotent after marriage,shud the courts really give divorce to the immature & selfish partner?Because the person cannot know of his impotency b4 marriage.

Otherwise all Indians shud get the licence to have sex b4 marrige in order to confirm that they are capable of having sex.

Secondly,impotency is curable.So instead of the courts giving the partner divorce & in turn humiliate his spouse,shud this law not be banned?Instead they shud order the person to take his spouse for treatment.

Wud the courts take the same stand if the person wants a divorce because of his partner’s pneumonia,diabetes,allergy etc?In such a situation,then the courts will term this as cruelty.

On one hand sexologists are licensed by the govt. to counsel couples & heal sexual disorders.On the other hand,this very govt. does not allow an impotent to continue the marriage………Why this hypocrisy?

So sexologists shud be banned from practising.Then only this weird law makes sense.

What do the lawyers have to say on this?

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Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

No idea if I really should or if anyone would care. I am good with words and am sure I COULD do it…but would not know where to start (and don’t say the beginning).

So the things in my life people from my family to my psychologist say should be in a book…

I have 7 kids, 6 (one of which was adopted at 14) with special needs that together include (but not limited to) a child who had a stroke before he was born, a daughter born with a severe clubfoot, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, OCD, depression, dyslexia, autism, ashbergers, chronic gastrointestinal dysfunction, herpes in the eye, ADHD.

In addition I (the Dad) have Bipolar Disorder II, OCD, ADD, am deaf in my right ear. In my life I have had 2 failed marriages, over 50 jobs (I am 38), have struggled with addiction to pornography and have (unfortunately) participated in infidelity (my wife and I worked it out. My wife and I met when her ex husband ran off with my ex wife.

Just in the last year my family has seen a car wreck on the way to my sons graduation. All 6 kids besides the graduate were in the car and were sent to the hospital, my wife was airlifted to hospital…she broke four ribs hitting the steering wheel. I was off work for 4 months being hospitalized for Bipolar, had 8 sessions of Electric Convulsive Therapy, surgery to repair a deviated septum in my nose and then 4 months later I broke (actually shattered) my nose requiring surgery all over again. Let’s see…My son was bucked off a horse, breaking his hand, my daughter was arrested and then sent to State hospital for her mental issues. She is now on probation, my other son would rather cause a fist fight with me then to do what he is asked, my wife ran over a pine tree on icy roads, my son ran over a rock delivering pizzas, I lost my volunteer job as a Firefigher/EMT but only after watching my friend die after he was shot by the police. My wifes daycare went out of business and then the landlord would not let us get our things out of the building. We have also had a friend help us install a mobile home to be used for a craft building for my wife. Well he screwed up and the house fell on him. My sons and I managed to get it off him and we revived him and he is ok now with 8 broken ribs…then the county made me tear the building down as it did not meet their standards, my dog got hit by a car (but survived) and then got into the chicken house and killed three and injured two. Of the two, my daughter and I stitched one up to close a gaping 3? wound on the neck. Last winter we had our only steers, one pet goat and 24 chickens freeze to death. That is not counting the gerbal and the Oscar (fish) that kicked it too. Oh, and my 10 year old son burned him self putting a metal bowel in the microwave when we were not home. Rather than call us he put his hand in water to ease the pain…ICE WATER! When we got home his whole body was chilled and his hand was blue.

Other than that, we are just your typical everyday dysfunctional family.

So…what do YOU think? Forget my family and friends…what do YOU think, should all this (and believe it or not, more) be in a book?
OH MY HECK…funny responses

I assure you the story is true. The adoption was a private adoption…my exwifes had a daughter after we split, my son is this girls half sister. My job has been stable now for 5 years. As for mentall illness, that does not preclude a person from adopting so long as they can show they are now stable. The “shock” treatments were after the adoption. As for being a EMT and a mental case…I was not diagnosed while I was with the department and they did fire me for it despite there never being a conflict…lawsuit pending.

As for soothing…we’re not JUST a train wreck. Somehow we always manage to land on our feet, partly community and family help, partly God’s help, mostly just stubborn. Not always sure how we do it.

We have had good stories too, I shoulda stressed that. My daughter found two young horses someone left to die near our house. She saved their lives for sure! Once healthy she adopted one out and is “breaking” the other one now.

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Your Questions About Sex In Marriage And The Catholic Church

Sandy asks…

Do they advise against this? Will they go over this in Pre-Cana?

And do they only believe in sex for pro-creation?

+ is the Catholic church against the use of condoms in marriage? Yes

+ Do they advise against this? Yes.

+ Will they go over this in Pre-Cana? Yes.

+ And do they only believe in sex for pro-creation? No. Couples may have sexual whenever they want, whether or not the woman is fertile.

The Catholic Church believes that God allows natural forms of birth control.

In his Angelus address on July 17, 1994, Pope John Paul II restated the Church’s position:

“Unfortunately, Catholic thought is often misunderstood … As if the Church supported an ideology of fertility at all costs, urging married couples to procreate indiscriminately and without thought for the future. But one need only study the pronouncements of the Magisterium to know that this is not so.

Truly, in begetting life the spouses fulfill one of the highest dimensions of their calling: they are God’s co-workers. Precisely for this reason they must have an extremely responsible attitude. In deciding whether or not to have a child, they must not be motivated by selfishness or carelessness, but by a prudent, conscious generosity that weighs the possibilities and circumstances, and especially gives priority to the welfare of the unborn child.

Therefore, when there is a reason not to procreate, this choice is permissible and may even be necessary. However, there remains the duty of carrying it out with criteria and methods that respect the total truth of the marital act in its unitive and procreative dimension, as wisely regulated by nature itself in its biological rhythms. One can comply with them and use them to advantage, but they cannot be “violated” by artificial interference.”

Judeo-Christian tradition has taught for thousands of years:
1. Single people should be celibate.
2. Married people should be faithful to each other (adultery is wrong).
3. Married couples should welcome God’s gift of children and, therefore, artificial birth control is against the will of God.

Here is the United States Conference of Catholic Bishop’s website on Natural Family Planning: http://www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/

With love in Christ.

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Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

No idea if I really should or if anyone would care. I am good with words and am sure I COULD do it…but would not know where to start (and don’t say the beginning).

So the things in my life people from my family to my psychologist say should be in a book…

I have 7 kids, 6 (one of which was adopted at 14) with special needs that together include (but not limited to) a child who had a stroke before he was born, a daughter born with a severe clubfoot, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, OCD, depression, dyslexia, autism, ashbergers, chronic gastrointestinal dysfunction, herpes in the eye, ADHD.

In addition I (the Dad) have Bipolar Disorder II, OCD, ADD, am deaf in my right ear. In my life I have had 2 failed marriages, over 50 jobs (I am 38), have struggled with addiction to pornography and have (unfortunately) participated in infidelity (my wife and I worked it out. My wife and I met when her ex husband ran off with my ex wife.

Just in the last year my family has seen a car wreck on the way to my sons graduation. All 6 kids besides the graduate were in the car and were sent to the hospital, my wife was airlifted to hospital…she broke four ribs hitting the steering wheel. I was off work for 4 months being hospitalized for Bipolar, had 8 sessions of Electric Convulsive Therapy, surgery to repair a deviated septum in my nose and then 4 months later I broke (actually shattered) my nose requiring surgery all over again. Let’s see…My son was bucked off a horse, breaking his hand, my daughter was arrested and then sent to State hospital for her mental issues. She is now on probation, my other son would rather cause a fist fight with me then to do what he is asked, my wife ran over a pine tree on icy roads, my son ran over a rock delivering pizzas, I lost my volunteer job as a Firefigher/EMT but only after watching my friend die after he was shot by the police. My wifes daycare went out of business and then the landlord would not let us get our things out of the building. We have also had a friend help us install a mobile home to be used for a craft building for my wife. Well he screwed up and the house fell on him. My sons and I managed to get it off him and we revived him and he is ok now with 8 broken ribs…then the county made me tear the building down as it did not meet their standards, my dog got hit by a car (but survived) and then got into the chicken house and killed three and injured two. Of the two, my daughter and I stitched one up to close a gaping 3? wound on the neck. Last winter we had our only steers, one pet goat and 24 chickens freeze to death. That is not counting the gerbal and the Oscar (fish) that kicked it too. Oh, and my 10 year old son burned him self putting a metal bowel in the microwave when we were not home. Rather than call us he put his hand in water to ease the pain…ICE WATER! When we got home his whole body was chilled and his hand was blue.

Other than that, we are just your typical everyday dysfunctional family.

So…what do YOU think? Forget my family and friends…what do YOU think, should all this (and believe it or not, more) be in a book?
OH MY HECK…funny responses

I assure you the story is true. The adoption was a private adoption…my exwifes had a daughter after we split, my son is this girls half sister. My job has been stable now for 5 years. As for mentall illness, that does not preclude a person from adopting so long as they can show they are now stable. The “shock” treatments were after the adoption. As for being a EMT and a mental case…I was not diagnosed while I was with the department and they did fire me for it despite there never being a conflict…lawsuit pending.

As for soothing…we’re not JUST a train wreck. Somehow we always manage to land on our feet, partly community and family help, partly God’s help, mostly just stubborn. Not always sure how we do it.

We have had good stories too, I shoulda stressed that. My daughter found two young horses someone left to die near our house. She saved their lives for sure! Once healthy she adopted one out and is “breaking” the other one now.

View the original article here

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