Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Your Questions About Does Marriage Counseling Work Save Marriages

I am just frustrated right now and a little upset.


I am a single mom, I have 2 kids who I have sole custody of because their dad refused joint custody and didn’t want sole custody, he pays me support but he lied on his income so it isn’t much, and I work full time and just basically have a hard time keeping up with homework and everything. It is exhausting.


my issue is that at times I still get upset about the divorce, I was so in love when I got married and it all went down hill from there. Before you judge me I stayed married for 9 years, I tried everything to save my marriage, I went to marriage therapy, individual counseling, vacations together, date nights, talking, therapy..


I sometimes get sad that my dream of a family is not how I pictured it, I really wanted to be married to my kids father and have a family where we went out and did stuff together. I never had that, not even when I was married. Their dad never wanted to go anywhere with the kids and I, not even to see Santa or to see fire works on the fourth of July. I have always done that on my own. and I still do.


I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a year and a half.. He says he wants to move slow and we have, He wants to build a foundation with my kids, and take things slow for everyone. He seems to have their best interest at heart, and has said in the future he doesn’t want to be just my boyfriend who gets pushed to the side and wants to be an important part of their life, but that he also knows he can’t replace their dad.


what does that mean? how do I trust him? I have heard that before and look where I am. I know how to do things on my own, because that is how I have always done them, any time I let someone in, they leave. and this time my kids will get hurt too.


I know what I want, I want the family I never had. I know my boyfriend can never replace their dad, but is it wrong to hope that someday, if things work out with my boyfriend, he will be around, and do stuff with my kids and I? we do stuff here and there with my kids now, I am just still keeping space there for reasons listed above.


ok I have went on and on .. sorry.. I am just so mixed up. this is hard. does it get easier? do I expect too much?


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Does Marriage Counseling Work Save Marriages

Your Questions About Couples Therapy Books

Hokay, does anyone have an uncle who was in solitary confinement as a P.O.W. in ‘Nam or something? (No- one who really was in ‘Nam. Not a war movie buff or someone who just tells people that while panhandling for a part time job.) Or maybe a dad or older brother who knows about a place that they don’t tell you about in high school that you either go to (I didn’t – Some of my family just likes “Law & Order”) or you don’t called “the hole”? If you don’t know what the hole is good luck don’t be sensory-deprived by a cult someday or something. Oh yeah the other two examples- Have you or anyone you know gotten messed up in the head by being introduced to forced isolation and imposed confinement by a cult or some deprogrammers who maybe were trying really hard and had better intentions but messed you up in the head by forcing isolation and mantras on you AGAIN?!


The point is that I haven’t been through any of those but I isolate myself because I am a misanthrope. I hate the majority of humanity and really will never be able to trust anyone- Not even possibly a spouse someday. I just learned how people can be so worthless, manipulative, and ugly. So I read. I have like 10,000 books to read and that falls before everything else. Besides I’m like every other late-20s casualty of the “learning disabled system”- I’m a workalholic. And I’ll fail by my responsibility but if I’m faced with the rip-off-of-life of all times I’ll push myself to the breaking point. Anyway that’s what I’m doing now but I’m already starting AGAIN to suffer from the effects of long-term isolation- and I’m less resilient than before unlike what I had expected. I just had too much company (whew- that’s for sure- the people I spent my weekends with and lived with can go to hell). The awkwardness is coming quicker and I’m getting confused. Now I’m talking to myself and muttering or whispering to myself for company because I’m the only person I spend too much time with to get sick of – well – myself. At least I’m answerring back and not an imaginary friend and most of the time I’m doing it in my car. I just kind of look at it as a bad sign if the most fun or thoughtful conversations I’m having are with- well- me. The good news is I won’t go postal by now and the bad news is instead all I have to worry about is either losing my head because I can’t communicate myself and then having to worry about living in a parallel psychotic imaginary reality that does not meet or agree with the perceptions of the consensus reality shared by the masses (transforming me magically into a blabbering dumbass who believes that jesus is in his Big Gulp), OR having an aneurysm, OR having a stroke before I hit 30 (still working on it), or having a heart attack.


So, I sleep. I eat. I’m agorophobic meaning that I hate humanity and feel really distrustful of a lot of people and that everyone can be so irresponsible and selfish- BUT I can still go out to do the important stuff (groceries, doctors or dentists appointments, etc, etc).


How can people cope with the isolationism in regards to precautionary measures for the effect of isolation on the psyche (especially if it’s like a harmful form of therapy in many cases such as “Primal Scream” in which isolation is a choice- not a matter of circumstance or a penalty for one’s actions.)?


One thing I did to cope was I had an imaginary girlfriend- No not a blow-up doll… That’s just creepy. And no not a hallucination. I mean a self-created controllable predictable type of chick who dug spending time with me- and when I felt like women treated me like a freak or a mutant or someone who was a dumbass only because he didn’t give a crap about coke or couldn’t buy them any then *poof* I made this pseudo-hallucination-type chick appear. Why one time I went to a taco shop even and three couples at a time were in and out of there and I forgot why I ordered two burritos for myself lol. As I imagined for my own peace of mind and tolerance of the isolation that she was sitting across from me I had imagined her to say, “Well, isn’t it cool to have an imaginary girlfriend like me? I’ll never prejudge you and belittle you and I’ll never leave you- besides I’m a figment of your imagination so I’ll always appreciate what you have to say and say what you want to hear.” Lol. But of course, I’m a realist not as caught up in my head as I’d like to be. So anyway should I have stuck with that route as a socially maneuverable method of dealing with isolationism? (I couldn’t find any rats or cockroaches I could really befriend or keep as pets at my house to deal with it.)


Otherwise, yes, I’ve heard stories of people “cutting” to deal with the isolation but I’m trying to quit- Nothanks. That’s gotten kind of old and I feel a bit more shameful of that.


Heroin. Not a fan. Don’t ask.


Yes, I have a cat but he wouldn’t really be that good a conversationalist if I took him out to see “The Dark Knight” and have some beers haha.


Pllleeeaasssee tell me how I could use my temporary self-isolationism and at least BARELY keep it together. It’s just until I get the studying done that I wouldn’t learn in college. Then I promise not only that I’ll leave “The Batcave” but that I will take a FREAKIN AWESOME vacation!


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Couples Therapy Books

Your Questions About Christian Marriage Counseling

First of all I believe in saving sex until marriage and not living together until marriage.


I’m a Christian.


I have a rare disease that made me not reach puberty until age 23. So I have to take birth control pills prescribedby my doctor to maintain estrogen. I now have a normal sex drive and I am sexually attracted to men. I do get aroused and wet down there.


Here’s the thing. Because of my medical problem I’m afraid I can’t have sex physically because it’ll be too painful.


When I was in college and haven’t reached puberty yet I was sexually abused a lot because back then I was weak, passive, depressed and everything even saying no a million times made no difference. They still took advantage of me. Well when I was abused it hurt like heck! worst pain ever!


Don’t worry I’m in counseling and since reaching puberty I’m strong and know how to set boundaries and if anyone crosses them I make sure they don’t cross it again.


But if I can’t have premarital sex to see if I can have sex how can I know that I can have sex? That a man’s penis won’t be so excruciating everytime it enters me?


I can easily insert things up there like tampons and medicine applicators.(after reaching puberty).


I’m 24 now.


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Christian Marriage Counseling

Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Advice Questions

I”ve been married for almost 3 years now. I’m a pretty attractive guy and I stay physically active. My wife is not a physically active person, but when we were dating, she kept her weight lower. My wife also worked full time. She is also a dog lover who had indoor/outdoor dogs. I moved into her house in 2006 and married her about two months later. Within six months, she quit her job because she wanted “to help me run my business” and moved her brother in (who is mentally challenged). My business was barely earning enough to support myself much less two people. Because of her leaving her job, we had racked up more than $30,000 of credit card debt. A few months after my wife left her job, she put on 40 pounds. Also, during this time, the indoor/outdoor dogs became just indoor dogs. I am not a dog lover and detest dogs on the furniture. The dogs have been on the couch and the bed. After about a month of helping me with my business, she soon got depressed because the money wasn’t coming in like she expected, so she starting loafing around and just surfing the internet. She finally started working again midway through 2007, but she still hasn’t gotten a full time job. Her stepdad recently passed away and she is now in more of a depression. My father passed away this year as well. We went to one marriage counseling session and we were supposed to go to another but that got cancelled due to the passing of her stepdad. I told her that I would be willling to set aside our differences until she is done mourning, but I don’t know how. I find myself snapping at my wife and brother-in-law a lot. My brother-in-law constantly asks me questions just to ask me questions. I feel like I am trapped in this marriage and am forced to live in a life of misery. I am more unhappy being married than I ever was being single. This is actually my first real relationship as well. She constantly brings up going our separate ways, but never wants to follow through on her statements. In addtion, she picked up smoking again because of the stress with her stepdad and the troubles between her and me. This is her third marriage. We live in a two bedroom, one bathroom house, Everywhere I turn, there’s always someone in my face. There’s no privacy in my home. Call me a little sick, but I’m to the point where I feel like punching my brother-in-law in the face and punting the dogs because I’m so agitated. I feel like the walls are caving in on me. Also, I work out of the home as well. I just moved my office back into the home in hopes of saving some money, but my productivity has been shot because of all the distractions. I think about being with other women because my wife chose to let herself go. I know that sounds a little superficial, but I feel like I make the effort to keep myself looking, so my wife should at least take a little pride in how she looks as well. Perhaps someone can give me some helpful advice.
I had confronted her about everything that was bothering me: her leaving her job, the dogs, her brother, her rapid weight gain, and her smoking. I’m trying to objective as possible, but I know that is not so. She said the reason why she left her full time job was because she went to the same business seminars as myself and she got just as pumped up about the seminars as I did and she wanted what I had. My defense for that is I had already had a business up and running and when I first started it, I had some money saved up to where I could live for a while without any business. The reason she said she moved the dogs in was because they could get under the chain link fence in the backyard and her previous dog was killed because of that. She said she gained the weight because she got depressed when the income didn’t turn out as she expected and turned to eating.
Although I had my own business. I had a few thousand saved up to where I could go a couple of months without any income. She just put in her two months notice and quit without any money saved. We had our money separate before she quit her job and all of sudden she wanted to join our money together. I felt this was a mistake but I agreed to do it because I felt like I would have been the bad guy if I didn’t. Boy, did I hurt myself by agreeing for her to leave her job. She asked me if it was ok for her to leave her job, but I feel like she wanted me to feel like if I said no, I was being the bad guy by saying she was miserable at her job and she couldn’t take it any more, so I said yes. I feel like when the money ran low, she didn’t take any initiative to go back to work, all she did was get depressed and gained some weight. Then she starting buying more clothes (which is her weak spot) because she gained some weight.
She also had problems with me putting any business expenses on my credit card because she felt like they weren’t necessary, but she wanted to use my credit card to take a $2000 vacation. This is all happening while were living off of my income which was only enough to support me. She told me recently that she had made a mistake and that she thought being in business was going to be a piece of cake even though I told her otherwise before she left. About the dogs, I feel like she has made them a priority over me. She didn’t have them in the house nowhere near as much before I moved in, chain link fence and all. I have brought up getting the electrical fence in, and she gently brushes that solution aside by saying “We could do that……..”, then changes the subject. I recently found out from my sister that I was allergic to dogs. I told my wife about that and she seems to not really care about that fact.
She also complained about not having a nice couch. I got tired of her complaining all of the time, so I got a nice Italian leather couch worth about $5000 from my sister. My sister was nice enough to give it to me. As soon as I got the couch, she lets the dogs on the couch. She started putting a sheet on the couch to protect, but I feel the she doesn’t help. The dogs are filthy disgusting animals and the sheet falls off all of the time. I don’t even want to sit on the couch anymore. She thinks by putting an extra sheet on the furniture or the bed, that will keep them clean. Our hardwood floor feel really really dirty because the dogs are always in the house. As far as the brother, I don’t blame her for moving him because he cannot take himself and we found out a year ago that he has seizures. He’s now taking regular pills for that. But, she didn’t have the brother in the house before I moved in and the mom wouldn’t take the brother in her own house.
Why should I have to pay the consequences? What really raised a red flag with me was that my dad was practically a vegetable in his final years of his life and my sister was taking care of him when she wasn’t working her full time job. She was going to take a much needed vacation and asked me at the last minute if I could help my dad because one of my other brothers flaked out on her. I had a business which allowed me to work away from the home and I was going to do it. I told my wife about it and she had a problem and asked me if my sister was going to compensate me for the two weeks I’m going to be there. This really broke my trust with her. I felt like she didn’t care one iota about my family and would do anything for hers. I guess you gotta take care of your own first, right? Then when my dad died, she happened to be really supportive for a little bit.
As soon as I told her that my dad had some life insurance and I was going to get some of the money, her face lit up and that’s all she asked me about regularly for the next couple of months. She even asked me for half of the money directly. When the money wasn’t coming as quickly as my wife hoped for, she asked me if my sister was keeping the money for herself. I trust my sister with my life, and I felt like this was a slap in the face. When we got the money, I gave her half of it after I tithed 10 percent because I’m not a greedy person although I did feel a little resentment because of her asking. Within one month, she got news that her stepdad was getting real sick. She decided to leave her part time jobs for a whole month to take care of him. I didn’t have a problem with her doing that, but I felt like when the tables were turned, she didn’t give me any kindness. I confronted her about this, and she says she feels like a toad about what she did to me.
She didn’t feel that way about the money though. She felt like we needed the money to pay the bills. I told her that what I did with my father’s life insurance money was my business. She did take her half and pay some of the bills with it. I don’t know if I know how to forgive her for this or if I want to forgive her for this. To me, that was a value issue. Values don’t change throughout your life. I think I want to get a divorce, but a very very small part in my head wants to really make it work since this is my first marriage and I think I’m not supposed to give up so easily. That is another thing. When we were fighting, she would bring up divorce repeatedly to the point that it is now subconsciously in my head. Now that I’m the one saying I want to split up, she wants to keep our marriage together, so she called a marriage counselor. I’ve been to two counseling sessions so far.
We took an assessment test and the counselor showed us how different we are in some areas. His advice at this point was to stay away from each other as much as possible until the next counseling session. This is the last resort before we get a divorce. The counselor mentioned to me that this was not going to be a quick fix, but I wonder how many sessions is it going to take? The sessions are $75 a pop and if we have to go to one session a week for a whole year, that’s $3900. I guess I still do care for her, but I do think about what it would feel like to be single again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for your understanding.
I do have to mention that I started reading marriage books to see if it was me being the problem. I do know that everything is not her fault and I have shortcoming of my own, but it feels like I am the one bending here and not her.


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Advice Questions

Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Does It Work Cost

I am so confused. After 16 years of what I thought was a very happy marriage to my husband, my world is falling apart and I’m not sure which way to turn.


He was in the U.S. Navy when I met him overseas (in the U.K.) but we fell in love and I gave up my life to join him in the States and helped raise his sons to adulthood, who were then 12 and 10 years old. We also had a beautiful daughter together and our family life was very happy after the initial bumps.


We’ve traveled all over the world together because of his career. His last duty station was Hawaii, and with just a few months to go until his retirement we decided together that it would be a good idea if I returned to Texas with our daughter (now 13) where we have an old house. The idea was that she and I would get settled ahead of him coming to join us, and our daughter would finally get to be in a school where she wouldn’t be forced to leave her friends after a couple of years. I would start work – and start work on the house – and put the house on the market so that we could eventually buy a little piece of land and a home where we would spend the rest of our lives together. That way he wouldn’t have to do much when he arrived here.


Now all of our plans are in ruins because my husband decided to reconnect with an old girlfriend from high school on the internet. He’d actually been in contact with her two months before we left Hawaii, although I didn’t know it at the time.


Two months ago he started to act strangely. Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for days and then I realized he was switching his cellphone off so he could avoid our calls. He also took a chunk out of our savings account without any explanation, and when I emailed him to ask why, he said he needed some time to think and was looking at jobs throughout the U.S. because “didn’t know where his life was heading right now.” I was in complete shock. This was coming from a man who had told me he loved me every single day and had sworn undying love and loyalty to me.


Of course I realized there was something badly wrong, so I did some research. I found him on one of those high school sites. His old girlfriend was listed there as his only friend and there were a few flirtatious notes on his page from her. They were exchanging pictures etc.


Long story short: I was heartbroken and still am. He left Hawaii 3 weeks ago and went to another state to be close to her. He had asked me for a divorce by then, so I figured I had better take action to protect myself and my daughter and so I filed for divorce in November.
He received the initial petition but refused to sign the paperwork. He now has his own apartment (the rent costs more than our mortgage) and sees the old girlfriend on a very regular basis. He’s also running up a large credit card bill. I emailed this woman a few times to find out what was going on and she insisted they were just friends for now but maybe they would have a happy future after he and I were divorced. I told her I still loved him just as much as ever but she said he had told her he’d been very unhappy in his marriage to me for the past few years, which was news to me! She also let me know that he was relating ancient old arguments he and I had had in the past, and was blaming me for making him stay in the Navy for all these years, which is completely untrue.


Our daughter has taken this very badly and is very angry and confused. I have had to take her to counseling to help her cope. She has gone from being a happy and secure girl to a very angry and sad teenager.


Now I’m more confused than ever because I spoke to my husband yesterday on the phone for the first time in two months. He said he was trying to figure everything out and wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but said I’d be the first to know when he had made a decision. He still wants the divorce to go through he says, but asked me if it would be OK if he came to visit after the New Year! He also admitted he still loved me but wasn’t IN LOVE with me. I am so confused. Should I give him the time he says he needs to get his head straightened out, or should I cut all ties?


In spite of everything I still do love him very much and would still be willing to work on our marriage even though he has hurt me more than he will ever know.
Thank you so much for all your great answers so far. You have given me much to think about.


For some reason my question posted twice. The other answers are here:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlxPWRPwUa4vJyuNHlb2MXPB7BR.;_ylv=3?qid=20081221060153AA1qcRu


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Does It Work Cost

Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Questions For Couples

Hi


I have often come across questions where an Indian Hindu want divorce from his spouse due to his impotency,ie,inability to have sex.


I want to ask lawyers,In India,a person is usually a virgin before marriage.So he has sex for the 1st time only after marriage.Even if he is discovered to be impotent after marriage,shud the courts really give divorce to the immature & selfish partner?Because the person cannot know of his impotency b4 marriage.


Otherwise all Indians shud get the licence to have sex b4 marrige in order to confirm that they are capable of having sex.


Secondly,impotency is curable.So instead of the courts giving the partner divorce & in turn humiliate his spouse,shud this law not be banned?Instead they shud order the person to take his spouse for treatment.


Wud the courts take the same stand if the person wants a divorce because of his partner’s pneumonia,diabetes,allergy etc?In such a situation,then the courts will term this as cruelty.


On one hand sexologists are licensed by the govt. to counsel couples & heal sexual disorders.On the other hand,this very govt. does not allow an impotent to continue the marriage………Why this hypocrisy?


So sexologists shud be banned from practising.Then only this weird law makes sense.


What do the lawyers have to say on this?


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Questions For Couples

Monday, April 16, 2012

Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

No idea if I really should or if anyone would care. I am good with words and am sure I COULD do it…but would not know where to start (and don’t say the beginning).


So the things in my life people from my family to my psychologist say should be in a book…


I have 7 kids, 6 (one of which was adopted at 14) with special needs that together include (but not limited to) a child who had a stroke before he was born, a daughter born with a severe clubfoot, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, OCD, depression, dyslexia, autism, ashbergers, chronic gastrointestinal dysfunction, herpes in the eye, ADHD.


In addition I (the Dad) have Bipolar Disorder II, OCD, ADD, am deaf in my right ear. In my life I have had 2 failed marriages, over 50 jobs (I am 38), have struggled with addiction to pornography and have (unfortunately) participated in infidelity (my wife and I worked it out. My wife and I met when her ex husband ran off with my ex wife.


Just in the last year my family has seen a car wreck on the way to my sons graduation. All 6 kids besides the graduate were in the car and were sent to the hospital, my wife was airlifted to hospital…she broke four ribs hitting the steering wheel. I was off work for 4 months being hospitalized for Bipolar, had 8 sessions of Electric Convulsive Therapy, surgery to repair a deviated septum in my nose and then 4 months later I broke (actually shattered) my nose requiring surgery all over again. Let’s see…My son was bucked off a horse, breaking his hand, my daughter was arrested and then sent to State hospital for her mental issues. She is now on probation, my other son would rather cause a fist fight with me then to do what he is asked, my wife ran over a pine tree on icy roads, my son ran over a rock delivering pizzas, I lost my volunteer job as a Firefigher/EMT but only after watching my friend die after he was shot by the police. My wifes daycare went out of business and then the landlord would not let us get our things out of the building. We have also had a friend help us install a mobile home to be used for a craft building for my wife. Well he screwed up and the house fell on him. My sons and I managed to get it off him and we revived him and he is ok now with 8 broken ribs…then the county made me tear the building down as it did not meet their standards, my dog got hit by a car (but survived) and then got into the chicken house and killed three and injured two. Of the two, my daughter and I stitched one up to close a gaping 3? wound on the neck. Last winter we had our only steers, one pet goat and 24 chickens freeze to death. That is not counting the gerbal and the Oscar (fish) that kicked it too. Oh, and my 10 year old son burned him self putting a metal bowel in the microwave when we were not home. Rather than call us he put his hand in water to ease the pain…ICE WATER! When we got home his whole body was chilled and his hand was blue.


Other than that, we are just your typical everyday dysfunctional family.


So…what do YOU think? Forget my family and friends…what do YOU think, should all this (and believe it or not, more) be in a book?
OH MY HECK…funny responses


I assure you the story is true. The adoption was a private adoption…my exwifes had a daughter after we split, my son is this girls half sister. My job has been stable now for 5 years. As for mentall illness, that does not preclude a person from adopting so long as they can show they are now stable. The “shock” treatments were after the adoption. As for being a EMT and a mental case…I was not diagnosed while I was with the department and they did fire me for it despite there never being a conflict…lawsuit pending.


As for soothing…we’re not JUST a train wreck. Somehow we always manage to land on our feet, partly community and family help, partly God’s help, mostly just stubborn. Not always sure how we do it.


We have had good stories too, I shoulda stressed that. My daughter found two young horses someone left to die near our house. She saved their lives for sure! Once healthy she adopted one out and is “breaking” the other one now.


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

Your Questions About Sex In Marriage And The Catholic Church

Sandy asks…


Do they advise against this? Will they go over this in Pre-Cana?


And do they only believe in sex for pro-creation?


+ is the Catholic church against the use of condoms in marriage? Yes


+ Do they advise against this? Yes.


+ Will they go over this in Pre-Cana? Yes.


+ And do they only believe in sex for pro-creation? No. Couples may have sexual whenever they want, whether or not the woman is fertile.


The Catholic Church believes that God allows natural forms of birth control.


In his Angelus address on July 17, 1994, Pope John Paul II restated the Church’s position:


“Unfortunately, Catholic thought is often misunderstood … As if the Church supported an ideology of fertility at all costs, urging married couples to procreate indiscriminately and without thought for the future. But one need only study the pronouncements of the Magisterium to know that this is not so.


Truly, in begetting life the spouses fulfill one of the highest dimensions of their calling: they are God’s co-workers. Precisely for this reason they must have an extremely responsible attitude. In deciding whether or not to have a child, they must not be motivated by selfishness or carelessness, but by a prudent, conscious generosity that weighs the possibilities and circumstances, and especially gives priority to the welfare of the unborn child.


Therefore, when there is a reason not to procreate, this choice is permissible and may even be necessary. However, there remains the duty of carrying it out with criteria and methods that respect the total truth of the marital act in its unitive and procreative dimension, as wisely regulated by nature itself in its biological rhythms. One can comply with them and use them to advantage, but they cannot be “violated” by artificial interference.”


Judeo-Christian tradition has taught for thousands of years:
1. Single people should be celibate.
2. Married people should be faithful to each other (adultery is wrong).
3. Married couples should welcome God’s gift of children and, therefore, artificial birth control is against the will of God.


Here is the United States Conference of Catholic Bishop’s website on Natural Family Planning: http://www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/


With love in Christ.


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Sex In Marriage And The Catholic Church

Your Questions About Couples Counseling

Your Open QuestionShow me another »
Should I agree to counseling with my bf to see if it can be worked out?
I left my house and asked my bf to move out 4 weeks ago. Reason I did this was because in my opinion he was very jealous/controlling. He would say I don’t like that shirt too low cut, don’t wear that. No tank tops under your scrubs at work, your looking for attention and it is not right. Couldn’t make hair puffy as again same reason, I was drawing attention to myself when I was there to work. I don’t dress slutty at all and I was told I was looking at men I wasn’t or doing things I wasn’t. He would get really angry and call me a ***** or whore and yell right in my face. When I would come back at him, he would say I was talking too loud and the kids would hear me and come to me and I tried to fight him from doing it but he would push my hands and arms out of the way to cover my mouth to shut me up. He had to have my passwords to both my email and my cell phone because he always felt I was hiding something..


He says he is sorry, that he didn’t realize what he was doing and how upset I was, if he would have known he would have stopped. He said that by me leaving was a big wake up call and that he would go to counseling. I told him I needed to be alone and sort my thoughts. Told him my counselor told me to have him enter therapy and get in a mens group and after 4 to 6 months of hard work by him and me seeing he was serious about getting better, then we might be able to take steps if I want to at that point into a relationship/counseling together.


He says we need to be in counseling now, that our love won’t survive another 4 to 5 months and he has went to 3 sessions of therapy and we need to go together and start slowly to get back together so I can see how much he has changed. I only will text him and won’t accept calls or call him or see him because he is very forceful with his opinons on what we should do and how we should handle things and my line of thinking is just wrong and it is because I am listening to too many people.


Do you think I should do as he asks and go to counseling with him and start meeting him for coffee? Do you think he really can change from what I experienced day after day of jealousy and control and anger???


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Couples Counseling

Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

No idea if I really should or if anyone would care. I am good with words and am sure I COULD do it…but would not know where to start (and don’t say the beginning).


So the things in my life people from my family to my psychologist say should be in a book…


I have 7 kids, 6 (one of which was adopted at 14) with special needs that together include (but not limited to) a child who had a stroke before he was born, a daughter born with a severe clubfoot, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, OCD, depression, dyslexia, autism, ashbergers, chronic gastrointestinal dysfunction, herpes in the eye, ADHD.


In addition I (the Dad) have Bipolar Disorder II, OCD, ADD, am deaf in my right ear. In my life I have had 2 failed marriages, over 50 jobs (I am 38), have struggled with addiction to pornography and have (unfortunately) participated in infidelity (my wife and I worked it out. My wife and I met when her ex husband ran off with my ex wife.


Just in the last year my family has seen a car wreck on the way to my sons graduation. All 6 kids besides the graduate were in the car and were sent to the hospital, my wife was airlifted to hospital…she broke four ribs hitting the steering wheel. I was off work for 4 months being hospitalized for Bipolar, had 8 sessions of Electric Convulsive Therapy, surgery to repair a deviated septum in my nose and then 4 months later I broke (actually shattered) my nose requiring surgery all over again. Let’s see…My son was bucked off a horse, breaking his hand, my daughter was arrested and then sent to State hospital for her mental issues. She is now on probation, my other son would rather cause a fist fight with me then to do what he is asked, my wife ran over a pine tree on icy roads, my son ran over a rock delivering pizzas, I lost my volunteer job as a Firefigher/EMT but only after watching my friend die after he was shot by the police. My wifes daycare went out of business and then the landlord would not let us get our things out of the building. We have also had a friend help us install a mobile home to be used for a craft building for my wife. Well he screwed up and the house fell on him. My sons and I managed to get it off him and we revived him and he is ok now with 8 broken ribs…then the county made me tear the building down as it did not meet their standards, my dog got hit by a car (but survived) and then got into the chicken house and killed three and injured two. Of the two, my daughter and I stitched one up to close a gaping 3? wound on the neck. Last winter we had our only steers, one pet goat and 24 chickens freeze to death. That is not counting the gerbal and the Oscar (fish) that kicked it too. Oh, and my 10 year old son burned him self putting a metal bowel in the microwave when we were not home. Rather than call us he put his hand in water to ease the pain…ICE WATER! When we got home his whole body was chilled and his hand was blue.


Other than that, we are just your typical everyday dysfunctional family.


So…what do YOU think? Forget my family and friends…what do YOU think, should all this (and believe it or not, more) be in a book?
OH MY HECK…funny responses


I assure you the story is true. The adoption was a private adoption…my exwifes had a daughter after we split, my son is this girls half sister. My job has been stable now for 5 years. As for mentall illness, that does not preclude a person from adopting so long as they can show they are now stable. The “shock” treatments were after the adoption. As for being a EMT and a mental case…I was not diagnosed while I was with the department and they did fire me for it despite there never being a conflict…lawsuit pending.


As for soothing…we’re not JUST a train wreck. Somehow we always manage to land on our feet, partly community and family help, partly God’s help, mostly just stubborn. Not always sure how we do it.


We have had good stories too, I shoulda stressed that. My daughter found two young horses someone left to die near our house. She saved their lives for sure! Once healthy she adopted one out and is “breaking” the other one now.


View the original article here

READ MORE - Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

Public Records New York Divorce Files




Well, not all weddings would stand the test of time. Sad but yes there are many married individuals in America who would simply resort to divorce when everything turns out to be the opposite of what they thought it would be. There could be plenty of valid grounds that drive the married partners to file for their union’s legal termination. So when everything has been settled and concluded, for recording and statistical data purposes, occurrences of divorce must have matching files in the courts and also in the Vital Statistics Office or the state Dept. of Health where the said event was granted. New York Divorce Public Records may be ordered from the New York State Health Department Vital Records Section, the custodian of all vital statistics data for the state. The Department of Health separates a decree from a divorce certificate. If you want to have divorce information that happened before January 1, 1963, you would need to request for a divorce decree from the proper court clerk in the county where the decree was issued and filed. But, if the divorce was granted on or after January 1, 1963, you may request a certificate of divorce instead from the NYS health department.



When the couples file for the legal end of their marriage contract, there’s going to be an official documentation setting forth all the terms and conditions of that legal action. That certificate is going to be signed by the judge and then filed by the clerk in the court where the divorce was approved. Typically, it will take place in the county where the couples live. A divorce record comprises pertinent information such as full names of spouses, names of parents and the exact date that the nuptial becomes officially ‘untied’. To get this official file, the requester must be either of the partners or someone who has a court order. You may follow any of the three ways of acquiring a divorce certificate via the state provider. You can mail-in an accomplished application form to the state department of health (links of application forms are downloadable and printable from the government web page). Two other routes to choose from are online and phone-in applications and which may be processed through VitalCheck, a third vendor. Any of those request methods would entail proper identifications (e.g. government-issued photo identifications, utility and phone billings etc.) from the requesting party. Failure to comply means failure to receive the requested document.



On the contrary, there are online fee-paid search tools that enable you to freely gain access to Public Divorce Records. You can conduct a confidential background inquiry anytime you need to. Such record retrieval sites let you find not only vital statistics records but an opportunity to search for various public record categories. It’s a massive database that contains innumerable public information from divorce and marriage certificates to criminal history records, court filings, and many others. Hence, for a reason able cost you can confidentially conduct a comprehensive record assessment on any person specifically the one who’s about to have an effect on your career or private life. In dealing and having personal relationships with all sorts of people, the key to security is caution. Regardless of the degree of relationships that you want to have with these people, when it entails your overall protection it’s best to be watchful. After all, investigating is going to be an effortless job to accomplish nowadays. So, check before you date and more significantly before you officially marry someone. There may be secrets that have to be revealed and it’s wise to unleash them before anything else. How to Find Divorce Records in a breeze? Come and learn all about it at Public Records Search Online.


READ MORE - Public Records New York Divorce Files

Family Law and Divorce




Are you looking for more information on family law and divorce? If so, you have come to the right place. If you are considering a divorce with your partner, your first step will be to hire a family law attorney to help you through the process. Throughout this article we will take a brief look at what family law is, and how a family law requires you to go about a obtaining a divorce.Let's begin by briefly discussing what family law is. Family law deals with any legal family matters. These matters can be pleasant things such as adoption or marriages, or less pleasant things such as divorce or child custody battles. Any time your family is facing a difficult time or change, a family law attorney can help you explore your options and reach a decision that is suitable for you and your family. One common issue dealt with by family lawyers is divorce. Let's take a closer look at the process involved in obtaining a divorce from your partner.Like many issues, the steps contained in the process of divorce will depend on your individual situation. For example, the proceedings for a couple who have been married for a short period of time and who have no children will be much different than the proceedings for a couple who have been together for long periods of time and who have children to consider. In any case, divorce is much simpler when both individuals agree to having it. Cases in which one party does not want a divorce can become very time consuming and slow.If you are considering obtaining a divorce, you will begin by filing a petition. Within your petition you will state the grounds for the divorce. Grounds for divorce include things such as adultery, abandonment, or, if allowed by the state, irreconcilable differences. It is important to hire a lawyer as early as this stage, as an educated lawyer can help you determine whether you are eligible for divorce based on your grounds.On top of the petition, the person filing for divorce will also need to provide proof of service of process. The service of process is a document that proves that the divorce petition was shown to the spouse. In this document, the party can choose to agree with or dispute the grounds behind the divorce. If there is any disagreement for the divorce or child custody issues, it is to be addressed within this document.If you and your partner have children together, one spouse will also have to file for temporary orders. Temporary orders include things such as temporary custody and temporary child support to last until the divorce has been finalized.If parties do not agree on the divorce, a negotiation will take process. If things still are not resolved, the case will go to trial. Finally, once all issues have been dealt with the order of dissolution will be given, finalizing the divorce and providing information on how any debts are to be divided, as well as information on child custody and child support.If you are considering divorce from your partner, your first step is to hire a family law attorney. A law attorney will guide you in the process of your divorce, answering any questions you may have along the way.


READ MORE - Family Law and Divorce

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Information About Obtaining A Divorce In Florida




It is a fact of life that about 34% of married people in the US get divorced. As far as obtaining in Florida is concerned the only right way to obtain involves a considerable amount of heartaches, headaches, and work. Here is some information about obtaining a divorce in Florida.



If there is no minor child involved, the process of obtaining a divorce in Florida is much easier. You don't have to get involved in the court system to determine custody issues and all you have to do is file a divorce petition. However, either spouse has to have been a resident of Florida for at least six months. The law in Florida is no fault divorce which means that you only have to proclaim irreconcilable differences in order to be granted a divorce.





You can obtain a divorce without a trial of you and your spouse submits a written consent form to the division of marital assets and the divorce. The court will probably order you to three months of marriage counseling prior to agreeing to the divorce if you or your spouse doesn't consent to the divorce.



In order to determine the custodial issues you will have to go to trial if you and your spouse have children together. Custody is known as timesharing schedules in the Florida court system. To determine the best schedule for your child or children, you and your spouse will have to work with your each of your attorneys. The family court will provide you with a schedule that they believe is in the best interest of the child or children if you and your spouse can't agree on a timesharing schedule. Rather than leaving it up to the court, it is much easier coming to an agreement with your spouse even if it is through your attorneys if required.



Prior to granting the divorce, a family court hearing will determine other custody issues, primary residence of the child or children, health insurance, and child support.



In Florida, unless there is a prenuptial agreement that determines otherwise, all items, assets, and property that were obtained during the marriage will be equally divided. However, all assets and income and assets that you obtained prior to the marriage will be exempt from the divorce proceedings. One spouse having a special reason to retain certain property is the only exception to the equal division rule and the Florida divorce court has to determine that. For instance, the court will probably grant the family home to the spouse who has the primary care of any minor children.



You need to obtain the advice of a divorce attorney prior to filing for divorce much that same as with any legal matter.



Click here for more information about divorce laws in florida and divorce in florida.







Related Articles - divorce laws in florida, divorce in florida, florida divorce laws, florida divorce,







Email this Article to a Friend!



Receive Articles like this one direct to your email box!Subscribe for free today!


READ MORE - Information About Obtaining A Divorce In Florida

Family law Are concerned With Divorce Cases




Family Law is the cases which are mostly concerned with the family. The divorce cases form the most family cases.



The very name Family Law is the cases which are concerned with the family matters. This law helps the family in their hard times. This will help the people to travel in the difficult time with less difficulty. The lawyer who is hired will help the client with the necessary knowledge he has to run the case. The family law attorney will help you to run the case and win the case. The more important thing is that the lawyer will have the patience to listen to the story and understand the feelings and get the case decided according to your requirement. The family law has many problems which may give a mental torture during the proceedings. This is avoided by the family law attorney.





The family law attorney is more than a lawyer a legal advisor. He will not allow the client to get into any problems. The attorney needs lot of patience to listen to the problems of the client. The divorce cases come under the family law. These cases are nasty and may trouble the client. The lawyer should be able to bring out the client successfully without any mental torture. The division of the property and the family assets has to be done properly once the divorce proceedings are over. Here the family law attorney plays an important role and helps the client to get the necessary property. Both the husband and the wife will be in mental stress and it is very difficult for the attorney to make them convince about the proceedings.



The child custody is the most important issue where in the court will take the decision for who is the best care taker for the child. The client may not get the custody. The family law attorney should be able to explain the client about the facts and laws of the court. Some of the divorcees may be in the domestic violence problems. It is the attorney who will solve their problems and then get the necessary justice for the couple. Try to check the cases which were taken up by the attorney before handing over the case to him.



Author Resource:



Ianbell Martin is here to give you his own facts about Family law and Ottawa lawyer. You're probably thinking, everyone says that, so, what's different here. It's the commitment of quality, genuineness, and a guarantee that values your time and interest.







Related Articles - Family law, Ottawa lawyer, Ottawa Family Lawyer,







Email this Article to a Friend!



Receive Articles like this one direct to your email box!Subscribe for free today!


READ MORE - Family law Are concerned With Divorce Cases

Un caso tipico divorzio a New Smyrna Beach, Florida



Divorce begins when one of the spouses files a petition for divorce to court. Regardless of who files the petition first spouses have equal rights in the present proceedings.The petition shall inform the Court of a spouse applies for divorce and request the Court to grant certain financial, property and means of punishment. This is the beginning of Bützow – between the negotiation process.The next step is the application of the spouse the divorce. In Florida, the issuing body shall be carried out in a personal service. This means, quite simply, an application for divorce shall be given by the spouse by Sheriff or process for filling the certificate server available. When the petition for the court file in most of the courts has been accepted by the process server list Download. This process is only the first step. All responses-and between the parties may be effected by post.When the application is an application for divorce, the spouse of the law, they must correspond to the risks or the spouse within 20 days the divorce hearing, without deciding on the Court. If the topic of divorce papers and you would like to represent you can from a strictly legal point, it is better to contact them immediately, so they can have enough time to act on the petition, which represents what the goal of the response.Now that the spouses of their claims have been filed and the Court of Justice, in accordance with the laws of Florida mandatory disclosure. This means that each spouse must truthfully fill out a finance-module. Use this form to send any financial resources, income, expenses and liabilities. The form must be submitted to the Court without delay and, in the case of any delay may cause a change in the holding of that spouse, contempt of court, judge. Prepare for your financial records, as the Court of Justice of the European communities may need to share your own spouse.At this point, start the discovery. Discovery is what the Court calls upon the exchange of all the evidence, the two spouses in the process. Both parties can do this both one of certain documents, provide written answers to questions or take the contaminated and stored in the certificate. During this period, each party may also request the order of witnesses and others to do these things in court.When the search is complete, the Court of Justice of the European communities requires the parties to mediation. Mediation is a confidential hearing spouses, their lawyer and mediator. During this meeting, the conciliator to try to facilitate a solution to the contentious issues, such as the support of spouse, distribution of ownership and management. Ombudsman cannot compel a settlement; It derives from the spouse. If a solution is not reached, it is as if the mediation never took place. No, what was said, or agree to the terms of reference for the Court of Auditors for the period are sealed and cannot be used. At this stage, further evidence. On the other hand, if both spouses may agree to a solution, a lawyer to write and signed by spouse. This document is now the judgment of the Court of Justice of their debt. All that remains is a short hearing before a judge, in which only one party is required to participate. The judge will review and sign the final judgment of divorce.If you continue the trial in the case, the Court scheduled case management Conference. Its purpose is to allow the judge to sit for spouses and their lawyer, and then make sure the case is progressing smoothly. The judge decisions, where appropriate, to the Conference, but they can provide spouses with them not to do so.Pretrial hearing, usually scheduled for the next time. Cases awaiting trial must be cleaned and the schedule is prepared. Claims that payments or rejected, as the Court of Justice has a clear understanding of what claims to advance in a process. At this point, the judge may order the spouses to agree the final arguments. The Court of Auditors is also, witness lists and dates, in fact, after the prosecution has finished. Even if you specify the test date, cases still can be taken at any point before the start of the study. In this session, usually the couple, which is present in the air.So that you are aware of it, at any time after the petition is a trial version until you have to face when filing or defending in court. The other party to ask the motions will be used by the case-law of the Court of justice. Must be submitted to the Court of Justice and the opposing party. For example, if your spouse refuses to respond to discovery, the other spouse may file motion to compel discovery. The judge at the hearing, the parties may be on the first page of a short, if both parties in the Member State of their case. As a general rule, a judge make a decision without delay. Some of the typical gestures are temporary support or maintenance, reserved exclusively to the law, the final step is a trial version of Homethe. Both parties will have the opportunity to present their cases. This is done by placing the evidence of witnesses, and to take the opportunity to cross examine each witness. When both sides have presented their cases, a lawyer for closing arguments. Then the judge is of the opinion that the evidence and witnesses and take a final decision on all aspects of the case. This decision could come immediately, or it may take several weeks or months.


READ MORE - Un caso tipico divorzio a New Smyrna Beach, Florida

The best london divorce attorneys and know how to receive the best final results




The best divorce lawyers London partners could hire are certainly not that difficult to get. The United Kingdom contains a lower divorce process price but there are various pro and also very skilled divorce lawyers inside london. No matter what form of divorce proceedings you might be coping with, a reliable as well as knowledgeable attorney at law could be a fantastic comfort. You possibly can concentrate on additional issues with your life as well as the attorney at law can take charge of all the legal matters as well as needed papers and methods. This way you may decrease the inconvenience and allow the attorneys do it for you. Technologies that will help you Find a very good Divorce attorneys in London Various parts of England and also United Kingdom can provide wonderful divorce attorneys who'll certainly not abandon you before the legitimate procedure is over. However, it is actually great to find a legal professional in your city. If you are from London, it is good to choose a attorney that's based in the city as well. You should use the world wide web to find the best divorce lawyers working in london. Do a list of attorneys and also solicitor that you could locate on the web. First thing to do would be to search over the yahoo and google and start a search.



Picking Top Divorce Lawyers in London You definitely want to find the best lawyer. Just after listing down a number of choices that could contain global divorce lawyers in London, take the time to research regarding these kinds of legal professionals or even seek the advice of these people. Some offer you no cost assessment by way of chitchat or perhaps telephone although some ask you to personally meet up with these. So be accurate on every scenario while confronting them and be more friendly. The most beneficial divorce lawyers need to have the specified education, teaching and also experience. Regarding degree, it isn't ample to search out professionals who now have studied legislation. It's significantly better to decide on a legal professional exactly who studied loved ones as well as marriage-related laws and regulations than one whom spent most of his / her occasion mastering criminal legislation. The same is true regarding training. For the knowledge, it's also inadequate that the attorney has experience in working with cases. You might want to question, "What instances, specifically?" You should moreover be curious about the outcomes in the circumstances which are dealt with through the attorney. The best divorce attorneys inside london currently have education and learning and also preparation centered on marital life, family and separation and divorce; additionally, they've handled quite a few divorce cases having advantageous results. But everyone knows it is not about the personal outlook of the person but rather with regards to the level and reputation.



Divorce Lawyers working in london: Cost Deals Authorized services are acknowledged to be very expensive. Nearly everyone knows that the divorce would not only have an effect on you psychologically but additionally economically. It is also a common thinking that the actual most intense divorce lawyers cost extremely high legal fees. Be familiar with this too but if you do have a lawyer who are relative that is the excellent opportunity for that you have much less costs. The truth is, the best divorce lawyers may perhaps cost high fees, so that you should consider the money you are willing and you will have to spend. You should also take into account the amount that you feel your husband or wife will give after the course of action. Having said that, the very best divorce attorneys working in london must be able to bring you an excellent final agreement. There's a saying when you select the right legal professional you will get the best expectation you desire. Additionally, a few lawyers may charge a fee for that assessment. Even though some consultations are free, other folks charge with a set rate or even with an per hour schedule. It is important to determine if it'll cost you for the consult, particularly if are upon a restricted budget. Do a homework or historical past checking of each lawyer you choose and best of all become familiar with about his like so that you can get close to one another. Q&A to help you to Find the Best Divorce Lawyers inside london The consulting is probably the ways to find the best divorce attorneys. It is your chance to ask everything you should know about divorce, laws and regulations, his or her expertise, his or her assistance, the charges, and so on. Will probably be useful to know if he will be working with colleagues and how substantially you might want to pay money for the excess service. Before departing everyone in the room, consult the legal professional if he is able to recommend various other lawyers. One of the best divorce lawyers inside london will really give recommendations for they are really confident with regards to their skills and won't think twice or maybe nervous about getting compared. Yet never ever immediately request recommendations let's just simply say only time well inform.



For more information about the best divorce lawyers in london please visit our Divorce Lawyers London blog.


READ MORE - The best london divorce attorneys and know how to receive the best final results

California Divorce Separation - How It Differs From a Divorce and How to Get One




A California divorce separation is a legal separation where the court makes orders about children, support, and property but allows the couple to live apart while legally joined.This is useful for couples who can't live together but have religious or moral reasons to avoid divorce; or emotional or financial reasons to delay divorce. A divorce is usually a better option than a Legal Separation unless you have strong reasons not to get one.Although the official terminology is "Legal Separation" instead of "divorce separation", because of common usage I will use the two terms interchangeably. According to California law, there are six areas in which a California divorce separation differs from a regular divorce. Here are three of them:1. Residency requirement: You can file your case for California divorce separation in the California county where you or your spouse live, even if you just moved there. There is no 3-month/6-month residency requirement.2. Waiting period: Unlike a divorce, a Legal Separation in California does not have a six month waiting period after service of the Summons before it can become final. The only time limitation is how quickly you can complete the paperwork. But for the pace of bureaucracy, you can have your Judgment as soon as 31 days after serving the Petition (California Family Law form FL-100) and Summons (California Family Law form FL-110) if the case goes by default, or even immediately on filing for it if your papers are all done and the Respondent signs the Appearance, Stipulation and Waiver form (FL-130).3. Both spouses must consent: According to California Family Code 2345, a court may not render a judgment of Legal Separation without the consent of both parties, unless one party fails to make a general appearance (defaults). If your spouse contests the California divorce separation you will need to work out the terms to reach agreement on the issues. Then your spouse can file an Appearance & Waiver to let the case go on. If you absolutely can't get agreement, you will probably need a lawyer.How to fill out the forms


To file for a California divorce separation, you use the same California divorce forms that you would use for a regular divorce, but you have to do a few things differently. Complete instructions for how to do this are beyond the scope of this article, but here are some tips:Marital Settlement Agreement: The wording used in a Settlement Agreement for a divorce is not written for a Legal Separation, so you will need to change the wording wherever it refers to termination of the marriage or dissolution of the marriage.For a California divorce separation, this is a fairly simple agreement, so if you have any doubts or questions about debts, taxes, bankruptcy or future responsibility for your spouse, you should get help from a family law attorney.The Petition (California divorce form FL-100):


In the caption section, check the box for Legal Separation instead of Dissolution


For Item 1, do not check any box for RESIDENCE


For Item 6 (on the back side of the form), check the boxes for items 6(b)(1) -- Legal Separation


based on irreconcilable differences -- instead of boxes for Dissolution at 6(a)(1).Judgment (California divorce form FL-180)


For the caption, check the box for Legal Separation instead of Dissolution


For Item 4, do not check box 4a, nor enter a date for marital status to end because it does NOT end. Instead, check box 4b, Judgment of Legal Separation.Declaration for Default or Uncontested Dissolution (California divorce form FL-170)


In the caption, check the box for Legal Separation.


Check box 22 and do NOT check box 18, 19, 20 or 21.Notice of Entry of Judgment (California divorce form FL-190)


Check box 4 instead of box 1.


Leave blank the section that asks for "Effective date of termination of marital status."Going to a Hearing


You will need to modify your testimony to fit the wording for Legal Separation. Keep in mind the differences between divorce and Legal Separation listed at the beginning of this article and adjust your testimony accordingly, and use the words "Legal Separation" everywhere that people getting divorced would use "Dissolution" or "Divorce."When your Judgment is entered, you are legally separated and you must file taxes as an unmarried person beginning with the year in which your Judgment is entered. This means you can file either as single, or head of household if you have a qualifying dependent.


READ MORE - California Divorce Separation - How It Differs From a Divorce and How to Get One

Is a DIY Divorce Your Best Option for a Florida Cheap Divorce




hen you are ending your marriage, you usually take a major financial hit. You go from having to support one household to having to support two. You may have more childcare costs if your spouse is no longer contributing to watching your kids, or your health insurance costs may go up if you were on your ex-spouse's plan. You may have alimony or child support payments cutting into your salary. With all of these many expenses that you see on the horizon, often hiring a lawyer is the last thing you want to spend money on. This feeling makes DIY divorce options seem attractive, but before you jump into trying to get a divorce on your own, you need to carefully consider whether handling your divorce yourself is the best option for a Florida cheap divorce. The Dangers of a DIY DivorceA DIY divorce may be a divorce you obtain either totally on your own, by going to the court and getting the right forms and representing yourself. A DIY divorce may also involve purchasing divorce forms from the Internet or from a local store.



In either case, a DIY divorce creates major potential for mistakes. Sure, a DIY divorce is a Florida cheap divorce. But what if you don't properly fill out the paperwork, don't properly serve your spouse, or don't have the right forms? Then, you'll be out any money you spent on the forms and you'll still be married. Worse yet, what if you do get your divorce but you leave out some key issues, such as dealing with joint debt or getting your fair share of your spouse's pension or retirement accounts that you would have been entitled to under the law? You could end up going back to court to fight out issues or you could be out of luck entirely, losing out on hundreds, thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars worth of marital property that you should have been entitled to. The cost of representing yourself and the potential risks of improper legal representation is rarely, if ever, worth it. Your Other Option for a Florida Cheap DivorceInstead of trying to handle your Florida cheap divorce all on your own, it is far better to find an attorney who charges a reasonable rate for legal services. When you work with an attorney who provides low-cost legal advice, you get the benefit of his expertise and of his knowledge of Florida divorce laws. You make sure your Florida divorce goes smoothly and that you can dissolve your marriage in as short a time as possible, dealing with all relevant property issues when you do.



You can also save yourself considerable time and stress when you work with a lawyer. Your attorney can help you to arrive at a divorce settlement so you are able to get an uncontested divorce. Far less expensive than a litigated divorce, an uncontested proceeding with a reasonable attorney is the single best way to get a Florida cheap divorce.What if I Really Can't Afford a Lawyer?If you truly cannot afford to pay for any lawyer at all, then your best option is to obtain divorce forms for a DIY divorce from a qualified attorney. Many of the people who sell these forms aren't even lawyers at all, but are instead paralegals or people with no actual experience in divorce. To have the best chance of a successful DIY Florida cheap divorce, do your research and buy your forms from someone with actual legal training and knowledge, and let them at least prepare your paperwork for you. Find Miami divorce attorney and Boca Raton divorce attorney at DivorceYes.com.


READ MORE - Is a DIY Divorce Your Best Option for a Florida Cheap Divorce

Simple Divorce - How to Get One by Default




The easiest way to get a simple divorce in California is by default. This means that your spouse or partner doesn't respond when served with divorce papers. This article will explain how a default divorce works in California.In our legal system, any lawsuit is a struggle between two contestants conducted before an impartial authority, the judge. It seems obvious (doesn't it?) that you can't have a fair contest if the other side doesn't know one is going on. So the law requires that the person initiating the divorce serve notice on the other party.The essence of notice is that your spouse or partner is given or sent a Summons and a copy of your Petition and can therefore be presumed to know what the suit is about, what you want, and when and where the contest is to be held. The court cannot act in your case unless you properly notify your spouse or partner of the lawsuit.The notice requirement is especially important in cases that go by default, which is what happens when your spouse or partner gets notice and doesn't file a Response. Your spouse or partner has seen the Petition, so not showing up is like saying that you can have your way. Subject to the judge's approval, that is what you will get.Since getting a simple divorce by default is contingent on your serving papers on your spouse, and filing proof of service, the rest of this article will give a brief overview of how to do this in California.Who can serve? Papers must be served by someone who is at least 18 years old and not a party to the action, so neither spouse can do it, but almost anyone else can. A relative can do it, but it would look better if the person were not related.You can hire a professional Process Server (see your local yellow pages) but don't use a Sheriff, Marshal, or Constable if you're in a hurry, or if it might take diligence to find your spouse.Being a citizen is not a requirement. Each time papers are served, the person who does it must sign a Proof of Service form so you can prove when, where, how, and by whom it was done.Who gets served? The Summons and Petition set is always served directly on the spouse. For everything else, papers are always served on the "attorney of record." Look on the caption of the most recent court document you received (if any) from your spouse and the name that appears there is the "attorney of record."If you were never served with court documents, keep serving your spouse directly. Just because your Ex consulted an attorney does not make that attorney "of record" unless his/her name appears on a court document that is served on you. Whoever is "of record," your spouse or your spouse's attorney, you must use that name and address on all your Proofs of Service, exactly as it appears in the captions.Order of events. For the first step--the Summons, Petition, and related documents--you need to file your papers first, then have the papers served, then file your Proof of Service.Choosing the method of service. The method of service you can use will depend on where your spouse is. If your spouse is located inside California you can use personal service or Service by Notice and Acknowledgment.If your spouse is located outside California, you can use either of the above methods, or service by certified or registered mail.If your spouse cannot be located anywhere, the service of process becomes much more difficult. You are required to try very hard to locate your spouse. Get the most recent address you can and try serving papers by mail--maybe they will get through.If that fails, try to contact relatives and friends who might know where your spouse is, the last-known employer, and the County Tax Assessor. If nothing works, then you can proceed by Publication of Summons.Proof of Service. A Proof of Service is a declaration swearing that certain steps were carried out to serve papers on the other side. This is so the court is certain that notice of the action was actually given correctly. After serving your spouse with the Summons and Petition you need to file a form with the court called Proof of Service of Summons.In California, the Summons states that the recipient has 30 calendar days to respond by filing a Response according to rules of court. If your spouse doesn't file a Response on time, then the court can make orders regarding your marriage, and you will end up with a simple divorce by default.  


READ MORE - Simple Divorce - How to Get One by Default

Saturday, April 14, 2012

How does the divorce process work if I contest the divorce




Under UK divorce law, in order to gain a divorce you must petition the court and the court must accept your petition. Your petition must set out valid grounds for divorce backed up by evidence. The divorce will only go through if this is all done correctly. If both parties consent to the divorce, the court will not apply particularly rigorous evidential requirements. However, if one party contests the court, the petition will need to more carefully and thoroughly cover the evidential requirements. You may choose to contest a divorce either because you do not agree with the grounds or evidence set out in the petition, or simply because you do not want to get divorced. You can only validly contest a divorce if you can establish that the grounds for divorce have not been met. You cannot contest a divorce simply because you want to stay married to your spouse. You should speak to a divorce solicitor before defending a divorce. A divorce solicitor will advise you whether you have any valid grounds to defend it.



If you do decide to defend the divorce, you could file an -Ëœanswer'. Alternatively, if you agree to the divorce in principle but take issue with the grounds or evidence set out in the petition, you could file a cross-petition setting out your case. These forms need to be submitted to the court within 29 days of receiving the petition. To ensure that everything is in order you should get advice from a divorce solicitor. Many people prefer to get a divorce solicitor to prepare and file the documents themselves to ensure that they get everything correct the first time and do not have to resubmit anything.





Both parties will receive copies of the documents lodged by the other. The court will then allocate a hearing date. The court encourages parties to try to reach an agreement before proceeding to the final hearing. You could use this time to negotiate, whether in person or through your divorce solicitors. If your case is weak or futile, your divorce solicitor may advise you not to contest the divorce in order to save the money, time and stress associated with unsuccessful court proceedings.



Richard Einerhann works for Contact Law, the UK's foremost legal brokerage company - finding the right family solicitors or divorce solicitors for your needs.







Related Articles - divorce, solicitor, court, petition, answer, grounds for divorce,







Email this Article to a Friend!



Receive Articles like this one direct to your email box!Subscribe for free today!


READ MORE - How does the divorce process work if I contest the divorce

South Carolina Free Divorce Records Search Sites Today!




In these modern times, divorce cases are truly rampant. They happen anywhere and to anyone. For that reason alone, those who desire to marry anytime soon should think twice and make sure they have selected the right person to be with for the rest of their lives. Surely, this will result to less break-ups and shattered relationships in the future. If you feel like you should learn more about your fiancée or even the one you are dating, you should search through the South Carolina divorce records. The Palmetto State, South Carolina, is situated in the Deep South, bordering Georgia and North Carolina. The latest U.S. census features over 4 million people living in this place. All of these South Carolinians are entitled to get hold of the State’s vital public files, which cover records for divorces. The State Division of Vital Record’s office keeps all accounts for dissolutions of marriages that occurred from 1962 to the present. However, accounts that are dated way back in April 1949 are only accessible through the County Clerk of the county where the petition was filed. In accordance with the law, only the following are permitted to get hold of this file: the involved couple, their adult child/children, a present or former spouse of either party, or a legal representative. The rest may also acquire but only a confirmation of the occurrence of divorce, plus the date and place of the event.



In making a request, applicants must make sure to complete the form with the following prerequisites: full names of the divorced couple, the when and where of the incident, your connection with the person/s, and the reason why you’re gathering the information. In addition, include your telephone number, mailing address and signature as well. An affordable admin fee is likewise required prior to the release of the report. In South Carolina, divorce is classified as either fault based or a no fault based. In a contested divorce, summons and complaint are given to the defendant spouse. This is usually the consequence when the other party does not sign the required documents for separation due to some issues. On the other hand, in the uncontested type, the complaint is already held and the guilty party is invited to the State’s Divorce attorney’s office and affix his signature on all pertinent papers. Marriage And Divorce Records proves to be one of the most-sought after files in the present time. Both go hand in hand; the former discusses the particulars of the wedding ceremony and the people involved while the other one lodges reports about marriages that eventually ended because of issues that cannot be repaired. Through the Internet, the needed data can now be acquired easily. Just pay a nominal fee, and you will have what you need in minutes only.



Sources: We have information and insight on various sources of Divorce Records and other paid and Free Divorce Records.


READ MORE - South Carolina Free Divorce Records Search Sites Today!

Reasons Hiring a Miami Divorce Attorney is Better Than Representing Yourself




If you’ve decided to get divorced, you’ve already made one big decision. Now, you have to make another decision—whether or not you want to hire a Miami divorce attorney. If you decide not to hire a divorce lawyer, you’ll be faced with representing yourself during your case. This might seem like the affordable way out as you won’t have to spend money on hiring a lawyer, but make no mistake, representing yourself during your divorce has its own set of unique challenges. Why is hiring a Miami divorce attorney preferable to representing yourself? Let’s count the reasons. • Preparing your own paperwork is hard—There’s a lot of paperwork that goes into getting divorced. The clerk requires certain forms to be filed in order for a case to be accepted, including a civil cover sheet, related cases statement, petition for dissolution of marriage and other documents that are required not by statute or Florida Supreme Court rule, but by local administrative rule or administrative order. Preparing these papers takes a lot of time, and they can be confusing. With an experienced Miami divorce attorney handling your case, you’ll have someone who can thoughtfully prepare and file all papers for you. This saves you time and makes the case much simpler for you.



• You’re too close to your case—Emotions are running high during any divorce, even a peaceful uncontested divorce in Florida. That’s okay, it comes with the territory. However, since you’re part of the emotional whirlwind of your divorce, you’re not in the best position to handle your own case. You’re too close to it to make rational decisions. With an experienced Miami divorce attorney on your side, you’ll have someone representing you who can make unbiased decisions that are based on sound reasoning rather than fleeting emotional impulses. • Mistakes could cause your case to get rejected—Remember what we said about all of the paperwork that goes into filing for a divorce? Well, if you make any mistakes in preparing or filing these papers, the clerk could decide to reject your case. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get divorced, it just means that you basically have to start all over. You have to refile your papers and pay the fees for doing so once again. It’s time-consuming and costly. With an experienced divorce lawyer, you won’t have to worry about mistakes. Your case will get filed properly so you can move forward as quickly as possible.



• You don’t know the law—Let’s face it—you’re not a lawyer. Lawyers go to school for years and practice law on a daily basis. They know all of the Florida family laws involving divorce cases, you don’t. Their expertise and insight is a valuable asset that can help ensure you get the best possible outcome to your case. There are a lot of good reasons to hire an experienced Miami divorce attorney. So if you’re thinking about representing yourself, take a step back and consider the challenges of doing so. Find Tampa divorce lawyers and Jacksonville Florida divorce online.


READ MORE - Reasons Hiring a Miami Divorce Attorney is Better Than Representing Yourself

Free Missouri Divorce Public Records Online




Getting close to someone and learning all his closely guarded secrets will take a significant amount of time and effort. Trust is a slow learning process. It's hard to attain, but easy to break. This is why if you want to know a person more intimately, you will have to dig into his past. For the people living in Missouri, there are traditional methods available in acquiring Missouri divorce Public Records and other public information essential to conducting background searches and marital history checks. There are state departments and agencies responsible for these kinds of records.



Unsurprisingly, most of us would rather bury our secrets than have them exposed for others to judge, especially when it comes to failed marriages. But there are inconspicuous individuals who hide their past from others for selfish reasons. You may not believe it, but these kinds of individuals are actually quite common, which is why doing background checks has become quite popular these days.





In a state similar to Missouri, getting your hands on free divorce records usually entails visiting the appropriate government agency responsible for the issuance of the said records. But just because we have the right to obtain vital information doesn't mean that we can just go and get the records we seek without proper sanctions. There are policies and lengthy procedures that are set by the state and federal government to ensure the fair treatment of such information.



With the inevitable growth of information technology and the availability of the Internet, digging up someone's past has essentially become less laborious and more convenient. And to increase the efficiency of sharing vital information, government agencies began uploading vital records to online databases. This has resulted in a more effective method in acquiring Missouri divorce records and other information crucial to every member of the general public.



But if you take into account the rigorous procedures and administrative costs placed by the authorities, it's quite clear that the government's public access websites still lack certain aspects, especially when it comes to the amount of time you will get the information you need. For individuals who do not have the time to fill up forms and things of that nature, such a method still poses a problem. Fortunately, there is an excellent alternative that may solve such an issue.



Nevertheless, obtaining free divorce records is best done through online means. It's just a question of which reliable source you are going to pick. As an answer to that question, you may want to consider commercial record providers. For a relatively small one-time fee, you can have unrestricted and unlimited access to a comprehensive database that is just as accurate as any government repository. The professionals behind such private services strive for top quality service. This is the best option if you want access to up-to-date information.



What is the best Public Records for you? Come and share our in-depth findings on Online Free Divorce Records.







Related Articles - Missouri Divorce Records, Public Records, Free Public Divorce Records,







Email this Article to a Friend!



Receive Articles like this one direct to your email box!Subscribe for free today!


READ MORE - Free Missouri Divorce Public Records Online

How to File Uncontested Divorce Forms




If your spouse is amenable, you can file uncontested divorce forms yourself without having to hire a lawyer. There are several things that are going to have to be true for this to be possible, but if you and your spouse both agree to the terms of the divorce and can make your own arrangements in so far as child custody, division of property, and so on, you can handle the entire thing yourself without ever having to have legal representation.To file uncontested divorce forms, you'll have to:1. Go to the county clerk' office in your local courthouse and file for a petition of divorce. This details everything about the divorce, including its grounds, child support payments and visitation, division of property, and so on. You'll need to pay $250-$300 to file the petition, but you may be able to get help filing if you can't afford it; just submit an affidavit that says you can't pay the fees and it may be waived. Make three copies of the petition. One is for your own records, one is for your spouse's records, and one is to be filed with the clerk.2. File a waiver of citation. This is to be filed along with your petition, and it just means that the person NOT filing for divorce in your relationship has already received a copy of the petition and doesn't need to be officially served by the sheriff or constable.3. Appear in court to answer the judge's questions and to sign the final divorce decree. The judge will prepare a final divorce decree and both you and your spouse will need to appear in court to sign it. This is the final document and it's pretty much the same as the petition, in that it details everything pertaining to the divorce. This happen 60 days after the initial filing of the petition, which is the official waiting period. After this time has passed, there will be a final hearing scheduled.At the final hearing, you and your spouse will both appear in court to answer questions from the judge. You may be asked things such as your name, your spouse's name, where you reside, dates you were married and separated, whether or not there's a waiver of citation signed by your spouse, whether or not there's a signed divorce decree, and whether or not there's any chance that you and your spouse can reconcile. The judge may also ask whether or not there are children from the marriage. Once these questions are answered, the judge will sign the final decree, and after you wait for another 30 days, you and your spouse are officially divorced.


READ MORE - How to File Uncontested Divorce Forms

Friday, April 13, 2012

Divorce As A Socio-Legal Process




The family is a complex and dynamic institution in India. Families in India are undergoing vast changes like increasing divorce and separation rates, domestic violence, inter-generational conflicts, and social problems of the aged parents.In contemporary research, divorce and re-marriage are viewed not as single, static events, but as part of a series of transitions, modifying the lives of children. In addition to the trauma of divorce itself, the transition related to divorce often involves geographic moves, the addition of step-siblings and a new set of extended family members.Definition of divorce:Divorce -partial or total - is the dissolution of a marriage by the judgment of a court. Partial dissolution is a divorce "from bed and board," a decree of judicial separation, leaving the parties officially married while forbidding cohabitation. Total dissolution of the bonds of a valid marriage is what is now generally meant by divorce. It is to be distinguished from a decree of nullity of marriage, or annulment, which is a judicial finding that there never was a valid marriage.According to the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, 'any marriage solemnized, whether before or after the commencement of this Act, may, on a petition presented by either the husband or the wife, be dissolved by a decree of divorce'1 on the grounds mentioned therein.Among the Hindus, who form a major religious group in India, marriage is considered as a permanent, life-long and sacred union. For a Hindu in general, a Hindu woman in particular, marriage is a sacrament and hence unbreakable. Divorce was fairly an unknown phenomenon among the Hindus before the passing of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 and the Special Marriage Act 1954. The amendment to the Hindu Marriage Act in 1976 is an improvement on the previous legislation relating to marriage and makes divorce easier. There are certain matrimonial offences, which entitle the aggrieved spouse to file for a divorce, available under the matrimonial laws. These are cruelty, adultery, and bigamy. Divorce by mutual consent is available under the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 differentiates the concept of 'divorce' from such other concepts as separation2, desertion3 and annulment4. A divorce is that process by which a marriage, recognized as valid, can be revoked in the lifetime of the partners who then revert to single and is free to remarry.But in reality, divorce is a major life transition that has far-reaching social, psychological, legal, personal, economic, and parental consequences. The nature of divorce as a socio-legal phenomenon is very interesting and enigmatic. The present study is an attempt to learn the persuasive power of the social factors in determining the status of a divorcee.Literature Survey:Numerous studies in the sociological literature in the west have examined and analyzed the phenomenon of divorce and its implications. In India, considerable research on divorce has been documented, albeit on lesser scale compared to the west. The main reasons for the limited number of empirical studies on divorce in India, are the lower divorce rates, and lack of adequate data [Amato, 1994]. It has been found that various studies related to marriage, family and divorce have been conducted at various periods of time. These studies, despite offering vital insights into the subject, circumscribed their scope to the demographic and causative factors of divorce; the "pre-divorce" stage, which a crucial determinant is of "divorce process", has not received adequate attention.Demographic data on divorceAs per Census 2001, eight per cent of the total married population [Two per cent of the total population] in Andhra Pradesh is divorced. Four per cent of female population in Hyderabad city is divorced. Besides, there is an increase in the number of divorced also. Total number of divorced population in the city of Hyderabad increased to 7433 in 2001 from 2850 in 1991. Nearly half of the total divorced population in the city of Hyderabad and also Andhra Pradesh belong to the age group of 25-39 years.Research Questions:The present study is an attempt to scrutinize the influence of social factors on the process of divorce. The present study proposes to consider the following research question:It is generally assumed that there will be adverse and far reaching social and legal consequences of divorce, especially among the Hindu women, because the Hindus have been traditional in their outlook and marriage is considered as a sacred union among the Hindus. Is this statement relevant for the contemporary, urban, modern and westernized outlook about the status of women?The Location Of The Study- Twin Cities Of Hyderabad And Secunderabad:Greater Hyderabad Urban Agglomeration, including the twin cities of Hyderabad and Secunderabad alone accounts for 24 per cent of urban population in the state of Andhra Pradesh. The population of Hyderabad district has gone up from 3145939 in 1991 to 3829753 in 2001. Hyderabad, now nicknamed as "Cyberabad", the capital city of the state of Andhra Pradesh is moving at a fast pace in the development of information technology and infrastructure.Information technologies are drastically changing the way one conducts one's activities. Yet, the social atmosphere in the state appears to be still feudal in outlook and practice. The median age at marriage at Hyderabad District, however, for female population is 15.3 years which is the fifth lowest in India and about 69% of females are married below 18 years.Universe and Sampling:The present study focused on divorce cases under the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 decided and disposed of by the Legal Services Authority [Lok Adalats], and Family Court of Hyderabad as its universe.A multi-stage sampling method is followed to select the sample. To begin with, the cases referred for divorce to the Family Court of Hyderabad by the City Civil Court Legal Services Authority are selected where the decree of divorce is granted by the Family Court of Hyderabad. A sample of 57 cases was selected by following the purposive sampling method. Once the cases are selected, the residence of the women-divorcees is taken into consideration to select the sample at the second stage. Data is collected from the women- divorcees residing at twin cities of Hyderabad and Secunderabad and the peri-urban zone surrounding the twin cities. A pre-tested interview schedule is used to elicit information from the respondents. Data on age, education, occupation, caste status, monthly income, details of marriage, details of marital disharmony, introduction of legal aspects of divorce and the personal experiences in this regard, post-divorce consequences as decided by the courts, life of the divorcee after divorce, and remarriage are collected by using the schedule. In-depth interviews also were made with selected respondents, family counselors, lawyers and the members of Judiciary dealing with divorce cases.Socio-Economic Profile Of The Divorcee-Respondents:The data is collected from 57 women respondents. Information pertaining to the socio-economic and cultural background of the spouses is important in as much as it could be related to their behavior pertaining to marital dissolution. In the analysis of data some of the socio-economic characteristics were taken as important variables in the process of divorce.Age of the respondents is an important variable in the analysis of divorce. The largest group of the respondents (52.3%) belongs to the 26-35 years age group, followed by 42.3 per cent of the respondents falling in the 16-25 years age group. The data suggest that a majority of the marriages ends at young age.Education is another important variable associated with divorce. In tune with the general perception that more number of divorces accompanies higher level of education of women, it is reported that women with higher education took recourse to divorce to end marital incompatibility. In Becker's theory of the union formation process it is argued that highly educated men tend to marry highly educated women and less educated men tend to marry less educated women [Becker 1977]. Though a number of studies link high rates of divorce to higher level of education, the proposition in the-Indian context, is not irrefutable. Pothen [1986] was not certain whether education hinders or promotes the incidence of divorce among Hindus. She agreed that it is hard to predict the restraining or corrective influence of education on divorce. The present study shows that, even though the percentage of those with college education is sizeable [55.8%] the analysis of data implies that higher level of education is not always accompanied by divorce.There is much relationship between occupation and marital and familial life. Burgess and Locke [1950; 634] observed that 'various studies seem to show that divorce is relatively high among persons engaged in occupations necessitating frequent absence from home, involving intimate contacts with the opposite se, and controlled relatively little by the community'. The percentage of women respondents working at the time of marriage and after is very low. The most important factors hindering women to seek employment are community customs and traditions. In spite of giving importance to education of the girls, many parents, husbands and other male relatives will not permit their women to work.Most of the respondents are housewives. Their sources of income include rents accrued from their landed property or interest on the fixed deposits deposited by them at Banks or Chit Funds and Private financial institutions. The number of respondents having monthly income more than Rs. 20,000 is negligible [8 per cent].The present study is concerning divorce among the Hindus. Among the Hindus, there are innumerable castes and sub-castes with marital restrictions and varied cultural traditions. It is seen that the highest number [42.3%] of divorces is from Brahmin caste. The Brahmin respondents are from the sub-castes of Niyogi Brahmins [23], Vaidiki Brahmins [9], Kannada-Madhwa Brahmin [2], and Srivaishnava Brahmin [4]. Urban residences, higher educational qualifications, detachment from their ethnic groups are some of the facilitating factors of social mobility among them. Nearly sixty per cent of the divorces among them took place for incompatibility, inability to adjust and lack of understanding on the part of the other spouse. Naidu, Kamma, Viswa Brahmin, Mera, Kapu castes, which are described as middle level castes, come next [36.9%]. The lowest per cent [4.5%] of the divorcees are Kshatriyas.Each caste follows different traditions and values in the Indian cultural milieu. Some castes permit divorce while others do not, irrespective of the fact that it is legally sanctioned under the marriage laws. Hence, in view of the cultural heterogeneity, the rate of divorce is likely to differ from one caste to the other. Sample of the present study shows that divorce is now permitted by all castes and the highest rate is found among Brahmins. But, in many cases couples might have separated from each other and might not have approached the courts for legal divorce. In this context, it cannot be hypothesized that divorce is resorted to more by higher caste members than by lower caste members.PRE -DIVORCE SITUATION:How Marriage Alliance Took Place?In most of the families in India matrimonial alliances are formalized by the parents and their criteria in weighing the advantages and disadvantages of the proposed marriages are drastically different from that of the marriage partners themselves. Presently, 'arranged by the parents- marriages' can be considered as arranged-cum-love marriages. Matrimonial classifieds in newspapers or help of matrimonial associations are sought in arranged marriage when the family fails to find "suitable" spouses for their children.Seventy three per cent of the marriage alliances in the present study were arranged. In majority of the cases, relatives are used as intermediaries. This shows the prevalence of arranged marriages. Taking help form the matrimonial associations seemed to be another popular method for the arrangement of marriage. Parents of the respondents approached matrimonial associations in 18.9 per cent cases in order to search for a good match. The role of matrimonial advertisements in bringing marriage alliance is very nominal [6.3 %].The legal validity of marriage among the Hindus is determined by the performance of marriage rituals. The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 has secularized the Hindu law of marriage in all respects except in one aspect. However, there need not be any doubt about one ceremony, viz., the saptapadi which is absolutely indispensable for the performance of a Hindu marriage by the shastric rites.Under Section 8 of the Hindu Marriage Act 1955, there exists a provision for registration of marriages. The state of Andhra Pradesh passed the Compulsory Registration of Marriage Act, 2002. The Supreme Court of India on February 15, 2006 ordered compulsory registration of marriages irrespective of religion. Despite the Compulsory Registration of Marriage Act, 2002, most of the marriages are not registered. Only 12 per cent of the marriages are registered. The registration of marriage was done in most of the cases when there emerged a need to have a proper certificate of marriage, particularly to apply for Visa.Duration of marriage:The first one or two years of marriage are extremely important in the life of any couple. Some marriages survive for a longer life but some are dissolved in the early years of marital life. The data clearly shows that mostly the happily-married time has been too short and those who had some years of happily-married life are very small in number.Age At Marriage:Researchers consistently find age at marriage to be one of the strongest predictors of marital disruption and divorce. The present study reveals that young age at marriage in conjunction with lack of the capacity to avoid bickering in the marital life resulted in divorce.Causes Of Divorce:As legal dissolution of marriage, divorce is primarily a legal phenomenon. Family laws of any country formulate law for divorce in which grounds are stipulated under which divorce may be availed of. These legal grounds are not just isolated legal causes, but they do signify the socio-cultural view point also. Therefore, when we deal with the causes of divorce, we have to keep in mind the legal and sociological viewpoints.A major factor likely to affect the level of divorce in a society is the commitment that others outside the marriage have to its continuation. If marriage is defined as private, of concern principally to the married couple and having little external impact, divorce is likely to be more readily available.The present study analyses the causes of divorce at the individual level. Hence data on how disharmony in the marital life of the respondents began is collected. The data reveals that majority of the respondents consider marriage as an intense, personal and private relationship. In a sense marital life of the respondents' caught in something of a pincer movement. On the one side, the more that is expected of marriage and the heavier the burden of hopes and emotions it has to carry, the less likely it is to be found satisfactory. On the other side, again because marriage is essentially concerned with personal happiness and fulfillment, the 'support' it receives from outside diminishes. There is less pressure for a couple, largely in urban society, to stay together because their break-up has little impact outside the domestic sphere and causes fewer ripples than it would in a traditional Hindu society.Further important 'structural' factor related to the increasing divorce rate is the changed social position of married women in our society. Though men's and women's lives continue to be structured unequally, the social and economic opportunities now open to women are certainly greater than they were five decades ago. To this extent marriage 'traps' women rather less than it once did. In particular, the opportunities there are for employment or, failing this, the availability of supplementary benefit makes separation and divorce a more realistic option than previously.One further factor affecting the level of divorce is the legitimacy accorded it in a society. As more and more people have some experience of divorce, either at first hand or through someone close to them being divorced, the less opprobrium it carries. In this way, divorce has become a more normal and less remarkable life event-one to regret rather than condemn. As a result, there is now less pressure put on couples who are having marital problems to stay together. They are likely to see divorce as a reasonable solution if the marriage is in sufficient trouble rather than something to be resisted at any cost. The point here, of course, is that what is defined as 'sufficient trouble' to warrant divorce itself changes as divorce becomes more common. Though divorce is still traumatic and not entered into lightly, what was once held to be tolerable within a marriage may now be seen as sufficient reason for divorce.The way in which divorce is thought to affect children provides an interesting indication of our social imagery of divorce. Presently divorce is still seen as harmful to children; however popular wisdom accepts that living with parents who are in continual conflict with each other can be even more damaging. Far better, it is now believed, for the parents to separate so that the child can be provided with a less tempestuous and more emotionally stable home life.Basing on the complaints of divorced women, Goode [1956] formulated twelve themes that include non-support, drinking, incongruent values, and disagreement over authority, extra marital sex and neglect of home. The most frequently mentioned marital problems are communication difficulties, general incompatibility, not spending enough time at home, infidelity and disagreement over money matters [Cleek & Pearson, 1985; Kitson, 1992]. Attribution theory [Fiske and Taylor, 1992] suggests that people because of self-serving biases attribute problems to external rather than internal causes. Going by this theory the spouse is less likely to report marital problems caused by herself or himself. Amato and Rogers [1997] categorized the causes of marital dissolution as distal and proximal. Distal causes include age at marriage, education, race, wife's employment, income etc. whereas proximal causes are anger, jealousy, dominance, infidelity, extravagance, substance use etc.The present study collected data on factors which lead to marital disharmony. These factors are grouped into:


o Lack of understanding between the spouses


o Demand for dowry from the husband, and his parents


o Incompatibility


o Overwork [where both the spouses are involved, consequently not finding time to spend together]


o Involvement of parents of the spouses in all and sundry matters of the marital life of the spouses.


o Domestic violence.The cause 'lack of understanding' describes the marital bickering resulted due to many factors. One such factor is change in the wife's income and her educational attainment after marriage. Further education may be a stressor in marital life itself, but the relationship might also be due to reverse causation: Anticipating divorce in a low quality marriage may provide an incentive to obtain further education as a preparation for single life. Three of the wife-respondents felt that their insistence on continuing education even after marriage created friction in their marital life.Gender role Attitudes and Division of Household work:The women's movement and increased numbers of dual-career couples have led to shifts in gender role attitudes--in other words, what a husband and wife expect from themselves and each other in their marital relationship roles. Traditional notions that a wife is expected to remain at home and take care of the house, children, and family, while the husband is expected to be the breadwinner and "head of the household," have begun to decrease and more egalitarian notions (men and women are equal in all domains) have increased among both men and women Not only have gender role attitudes changed, but, concurrently, division of household work has also shifted. Although marital behaviors today are more egalitarian, wives are not satisfied. Why are women less happy in their marriages? One explanation may stem from the fact that an ideology of marital equality does not necessarily translate into an outcome of marital equality.Sex-Role Perceptions of the Spouses:Sex-role perceptions and attitudes towards working women are influenced by the cultural norms of gender equality which determine the position of women in society and their educational and economic status. In India, cultural norms favor women mainly in their domestic and marital roles [Rao and Rao, 1988]. If they work, they are regarded merely as secondary or supportive earners. Women's employment does not alter sex - role perceptions mainly because of the prevailing culturally defined gender based norms. The present study reveals that sex-role perceptions of the respondents mostly dependent on cultural norms.Husband -Wife Interactions:There is variation in cultural ideas about proper husband-wife relations among the respondents. Moving from village to city is an important experience that allows people to assess cultural beliefs. The migration of the respondents after their marriage has created some confusion regarding husband-wife interactions.Incompatibility:One of the more puzzling aspects of marital crisis involves the issues of compatibility. At individual level, marriage is the bonding of man and woman on the deepest levels of life; and compatibility is vital for the union to succeed. One fourth of the respondents took incompatibility as a cause for their divorce.Demands For Dowry:Although dowry demands have been outlawed by the Indian government, these laws are seldom enforced and the practice of dowry is still widespread [VazL, Kanekar S., 1990]. Despite their condemnation of dowry, most women respondents seemed resigned to it, as they believed it affords young women an important degree of social legitimacy and security. For most respondents, managing a daughter's marriage negotiations was an agonizing process fraught with tension and fear.13 per cent of the respondents said that the reason for the marital disharmony is demand for more dowries.Overwork:Five per cent of the respondents felt that there was hardly any time available for them to spend together with their spouse prior to their divorce. Where both spouses are working in BPO sector, because of the timings of their work they find that they overworked and do not have any strength to share communication regarding their marital life.Involvement Of The Parents Of The Spouses:Educated couples insist that they would like to have their privacy particularly in their marital life. They feel that intervention of even their parents is not acceptable. When parents or parents-in-law try to convince them in marital matters they decide to break the relationship rather than coping with it. 11 per cent of the respondents said that they could not solve their marital discord due to the involvement of their parents.Domestic Violence:Traditional rigid gender roles are one such cultural norm within various areas of India that may increase the likelihood of violence against women. These roles are defined in such a manner that sons are more likely than daughters to be of benefit to their parents, both financially and in other ways. Most of the respondents suffered domestic violence during their married life and expressed that domestic violence determined their decision to go for a divorce.Causes of divorce can be quite complex and complicated. There is usually not one simple factor that causes the dissolution of a marriage. Family legal experts cite the following factors as major causes of divorce: poor communication, financial problems, lack of commitment, dramatic changes in priorities, and infidelity. Causes of divorce may also include physical, mental or emotional abuse, substance abuse, and lack of conflict resolution skills, unmet needs, failed expectations, and significant discrepancies in parenting.Divorce As Legal Process:The present study found that, divorce by mutual consent is mostly used ground for seeking divorce.Sometimes a trivial cause may lead to divorce. One of the respondents filed a case for divorce when her mother-in-law stated her wish to stay along with the couple. Another respondent refused to meet her husband as her consent for the marriage was not obtained by the elders before fixing the marriage. Since such trivial causes may not stand legal scrutiny, lawyers advise their client to file a case on mutual consent.Considering Divorce As A Possibility:Once it is decided by the respondent that he/she can no longer continue their marital life, they usually take the final decision. The process of divorce moves at a pace commensurate to each person's ability to adapt to the physical, financial and emotional changes that divorce demands. Some people move quickly through these stages, others need more time to accomplish the tasks involved in a stage and to assimilate the information and the emotional experiences the stage encompasses.Making the decision to divorce is the first step in the divorce process, and it is a complicated step. Once a person has made the decision to end their relationship, their next task is to tell their spouse they want to end the marriage. Most of the respondents took help from either their parents or friends to tell their spouse that they want to end the marriage. These discussions were not limited to the disclosure of their decision to end their marriage but also include a collaborative effort to redistribute the property, custody of children, prospects of remarriage and other related matters. All the respondents took an advice before seeking legal advice from the lawyers and filing a petition for divorce. More than half of the respondents took advice from their family members before filing a petition for divorce. Nearly twenty two per cent of the respondents shared their marital life-experiences with their friends and followed their counsel. 20.7 per cent of the respondents approached the caste elders seeking advice. Caste elders are still playing an important role in resolving matters related to family. The present study observed that some of the middle level castes are giving importance to the caste elders. Caste elders usually act as a quasi- judicial body in deciding domestic matters. Sometimes, they take the initiative to approach the court of record on behalf of a person.Nonetheless, the present study found that empowered women are initiating the new wave of divorce petitions. They are not keen to fight the battle as victims of marriage under statutes; rather they prefer to settle things mutually on the basis of equality. The reasons are temperamental differences, financial issues and family interferences.The present study indicates that in vast majority of the cases, it took up to two years to get the case finally decided. The prolongation of the case of some respondents was mainly due to the fact the spouses concerned were indifferent. The period of trial of divorce case was difficult for most of the respondents, especially women. Some of the typical situations experienced by the respondents include: anxiety about the future, disturbance in the home set-up, training, education and discipline of children, social stigma, non-satisfaction of sexual needs, economic non-support. The incidence of cohabitation during the pendency of the case was inquired into. It was found that majority of the respondents were already separated then the trial started. In few cases respondents had already got remarried and started cohabiting with the new spouse though it was illegal.Custody Of Children:One of the most pressing concerns in regard to divorce is the custody of children. The question of custody of children has been dealt with in Section 26 of the Hindu Marriage Act. In making an order in respect of the custody of child, the welfare of the children is the paramount consideration, not the rights of the parents. The respondents having children are not many. 28 percent of the respondents are having children. Of these most of the respondents are having only one child. Majority of the children are living with either with their mothers or parents of mother. It is found that not having children makes divorce easier.POST-DIVORCE EXPERIENCES:The present analysis observed that majority of the respondents went to their parents and trying to fill the gap in their lives by taking work more seriously or going in for higher studies. It is found that presently divorce is viewed by the divorcees as a mechanism which provides freedom from tensions and opportunities for career development.Remarriage:Conceptually it is useful to think of marital dissolution and remarriage as the component parts of a process that takes people back and forth between being married and not being married. There are two states [married and unmarried], and dissolution is the process or event that transfers people from being married to being unmarried while remarriage takes people in the opposite direction. Marriages end at the time of divorce.Conclusion:'Divorce', according to Lipman-Blumen [1977] is a life crisis which society does not promote, as a result of which social rituals marking divorce are largely absent. Blumen [1977] attributed the painful experience of divorcing to lack of institutionalized support for divorce, in the form of social rituals. Therefore it is recommended that some kind of mechanism in the form of social ritual to mark the transition from married to divorced status has to be evolved, in order to make the experience of divorce bearable for both the spouses, especially wife.It is also recommended to start divorce counseling on a large scale to help the divorcing and the divorced overcome the stress and cope with the future situation.Since the study is specific to the population, the findings cannot be generalized. The small size of the sample may not succeed in relating the study to the larger context. In view of globalization process of which disinvestment and privatization are corollaries, large scale retrenchments, cuts in subsidies, and shrinking social security are foreseen. In this backdrop the alienation process will gain momentum which will result in family life disruption. Therefore, it is suggested that further studies on divorce should take cognizance of the changed situation.


READ MORE - Divorce As A Socio-Legal Process